Friday, November 26, 2010

Code Word for Me Is Wife!

Code word for me is "wife". If you have one I don't want you. Not saying it to be mean, saying it to keep it real with self. I would rather be alone than lonely. It really disgusts me to no end when a married brother thinks he has any chance of a relationship with me. Why would I want someone who does not know what the sanctity of marriage is all about? Definitely no more than a friend without benefits always is the most we can be. I love my brothers but not enough to discredit myself.

My word of advice is always to stay with your wife. The woman who you would meet that would agree to be in a relationship with a married man is not worth her weight in dirt. The time you're spending trying to court another woman is the money and time you could be spending improving your relationship with your wife. What you need to do with your spare time is to find a good respectable hobby. The only perfect crime is one no one else knows about. As long as you are involved with another person you are chancing the spread of your infidelity to the world. Does your wife deserve to be tormented because of your wrongdoing?

The ultimate disgrace is when a married man has a baby by a woman who is not his wife. I feel sorry for the wife who has entrusted her life to such an ungrateful fool. Just think about how you would feel if your wife was carrying the child of another man for nine months. You have another woman carrying around your child for nine months and then the drama with child support and all the other financial, personal, and other responsibilities kicking in. Needless to say being unfaithful to the one you committed to be faithful to ads additional undue stress and drama to a marriage. Do you look like a bigger man to your friends? No. They now are probably the very person whispering reminders of how you cannot be trusted into your wife's ear every chance they get. So again, the code word for me is wife. If you have one it equates there will be no relationship for us in my life. Why have a leg when you can have the whole man. I will never settle for less.

So if you feel the urge to cheat on your wife.  Please don't choose me.



Wednesday, November 24, 2010

It Hit Me Like A Thousand Midnights!

I have been working out with my work out partner with the main goal being her losing weight.  Well today I received some very devastating news.  She has hypothyroidism.  Her weight problem in all probability is not due to her lifestyle it is due to medical reasons.  By lifestyle I mean eating habits, exercise, and weight management initiatives.

Last week I had begun to feel like a failure. We have been following the same routines. On top of that she is a lot more active than me and she was not losing weight.  I was wondering what was wrong.  She didn't appear to be eating a whole lot.  She was exercising much more but the weight was increasing instead of decreasing.

Well the answer came in the mail today with the results of the blood work done during her last doctor visit, she was hypothyroidism.  What a shame.  My heart sunk and I cried.

Sometimes I wonder how life can deal such a blow to a child who doesn't even really understand all that goes with it.  My heart goes out to her.

Now we know the diagnosis, the prognosis is to keep pushing forward to a miraculous weight management regimen utilizing proven methods based on what we now know.  She will take her medicines as prescribed and grandma will probably need a new heart because this one has silently bled to death with such a disappointing setback internally is how I'm feeling right now.  I have a small pity party break.  Breathe.  Breathe.  Breathe.

I am thankful we do know what the cause of the weight is now.  We were always puzzled because she is very athletic.  She can ball when it comes to basketball.  She loves to swim, run, ride her bike, skate, play, jump rope, and have fun.  I can say she has really not let the weight be an issue for her.  In fact, she is fine with her size. 

They say their is no pain or sorrow heaven cannot heal.  I am a believer and this pain and sorrow shall pass.  The devil definitely knows how to hit you in your weakest hour.  I will be prayerful that the Lord will not place on me more than I can bare.  It's how not to worry.  This child is beautiful.  I keep thinking back to how everyone thought I had taken a picture of a porcelain doll when I was showing off her first set of professional baby photos.   I couldn't believe God had blessed me with someone so perfect in my eyes.  Whatever I did to warrant it I have always been truly grateful and appreciative. 


I don't give a crap about most all the other stuff that has happened to me in my lifetime but I care about this.  They say when life deals you lemons turn it into lemonade.  This lemonade is bittersweet right now but it is going to turn out to be acclaimed as an award winning pitcher.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Good Things Come to Those Who Wait!

The first thing I look for when reading a magazine are specials, offers, and sweepstakes. I went to take my mom to her neurologist appointment the other day and while I was sitting in the waiting room I read an edition of AARP magazine. I don't recall what month it was for.

While I was sitting there I came across some valuable information which apparently not even my mother knew. We frequent quite a few of the restaurants which serve breakfast all day. They serve fresh coffee any time of the day with consistent coffee refills which is very important to us. Yes we live a very exciting life with the best outing being able to go and sit down and have fresh coffee served to us at a table rather than having to fix it and pour it ourselves.  It makes it taste so much better.

I discovered one restaurant we frequent often offers a 20% discount on the ticket and $1 coffee for all the guests by browsing through the magazine. I thought about how much money we could have saved if I had known about that sooner. While I waited I wrote down several websites with information, coupon and discount offers for AARP.  I can see my mom saving a lot of money.
We now realize we should check most places we shop for discounts for AARP members for my mom as well. Some offer discounts up to 30% for AARP members.  I think it is great how companies reinvest in the people who helped make this country what it is today.


    Giant vs. Giant who would win?

    Right about now I am wishing I would have kept on the path less traveled and gotten my masters in Information Systems Analysis and went on to law school to become a corporate attorney. When I think about how much the attorney's battling out the disputes between the internet giants must be billing it makes my head spin even trying to think about it.

    Trust it is not a matter of greed one good case would probably set me right. Can you imagine having a portfolio that included setting precedence for the Internet giants: speaking engagements, graduation ceremonies, professorships, board appointments, what wouldn't happen?

    I'm wondering what will happen though if Google and FACEBOOK were to stop disallowing cross pollination. What if FACEBOOK says okay no more links to YouTube videos via our website. What would happen if Google filtered FACEBOOK from their search results.

    Well let me tell you I would be very disappointed. Who am I? The small fry who depends on the services, creativity, and innovation of these technology giants to make things less cumbersome day-to-day.

    What if a user went to hit the share button to share a video they like with their FACEBOOK friends and were no longer able to. I know several of my friends post YouTube videos all the time which helps me to journey down memory lane.

    I hope the battle for control or lack of control does not worsen between the internet giants. "Can't we all just get along" as in the famous words of Rodney King.

    Wednesday, November 17, 2010

    Crossroads or the Song?

    When "All around the world" by Lisa Stansfield came out I was in a relationship with a man who I truly adored. We went out on a date every Friday night with dinner and dancing always part of the agenda. I realized later after having gone to North Carolina with him to meet his parents it was because he came from a beautiful home, it was the most meticulously clean house I had ever seen or seen since. It was hard to imagine he had as many siblings in a smaller house so incredibly clean. He would visit me and I could leave and go shopping and come back and he would clean my house from top to bottom. I was in a two story townhouse at the time and I would be like "man". He could cook too. Men never did any cooking or cleaning when I was growing up or in my house before.

    Lisa Stansfield - All around the world



    He asked me to marry him and have a child for him. He would pay for me to have reconstructive surgery since I had a tuba ligation after I had my youngest child. The "child" was the show stopper. Initially I had said yes to marriage but I couldn't say yes to having a child. He wanted to get married anyways he said he would continue to love my children as his own.

    The day we were supposed to go get married I went to work and I was supposed to be home all day for when he came over for us to go to the justice of the peace. He asked me did I know how much I gave up by not marrying him I was hurting so deep inside I couldn't muster up a reply. "Yes I do".

    Every time I hear this song it reminds me there are some good and wholesome people in the world because I was going through a crossroads in my life. I was ready to get married for the first time ever and I couldn't go through with it because I didn't want to deny him the pleasure of having his own biological children. Yes I knew how much I gave up and it hurt like crazy.

    I know what a huge difference having children can have on your life and I knew I was done with having babies. I had always vowed I wanted all my children to have the same father so I didn't want to start a second set.

    He made me laugh, me made my children laugh, my family loved him. My grandmother and mother would cook and bake for us (mainly him) every Sunday. He made them smile. He was the only man my grandmother ever liked that I was in a relationship with. She would actually sit, talk, and laugh with him. He had a beautiful smile that would warm any room. Everything about him was on point. He wanted to pay for me to have reconstructive surgery to have another child. In hindsight, the Lord definitely knew best.

    I often wonder where he is now and how he's doing. I adored him, my children adored him, and my friends liked him. He was handsome, funny, witty, and smart. I've always looked to see him in print because he told the most creative and best stories ever. I used to always tell him he was going to miss his calling if he didn't become a writer.

    I let a good one go.

    Okay #3 Is by Diana Ross

    I wish the radios would play this song sometimes so I can reminisce more in the realm of hearing it on the radio.  "Touch Me In The Morning" by Diana Ross is around my 3rd favorite song.  I want the radio to play it so I can turn the music up real load.  I be listening for it all the time but it doesn't seem to get the play time.



    I love a handful of her other songs as well.  I remember when I was in college I would pass time by having the sheet music for some of her tunes like Mahagony to play in the piano room.  I played it so much I memorized the notes back then phrase by phrase.  I loved the piano arrangement for Mahagony.

    Well I like music that is slow and easy.  Does it show?

    Monday, November 15, 2010

    2nd Day of Comfort

    Okay.  Normally when you have one artist you really like it is easy for your top one or two songs to be performances by them. 

    Well if you read my post from yesterday you may have already guessed my favorite song for today is "Home".  I absolutely love this song.  Every time I need a pick me listening to this song serves as a great inspiration. 




    Stephanie is singing the heck out of this song.  I've heard her perform it live and the performance was truly outstanding. 

    My Favorite Song Week

    What type of music a person likes normally speaks volumes for me.  I know personally my favorite songs are gospel tunes and songs that are very soulful.

    One of my favorite artists is Stephanie Mills.  The number one song I like of hers is "Comfort of A Man" because of the musical accompaniment and how much soulfulness it projects.  I like comfort and listening to this song relaxes me.  You may be able to guess the one word title I'm going to feature tomorrow.



    I wish they still made music like this.  Music that's soft enough to sit back and listen to and enjoy.  It's one of those songs that is very fitting for a special one-on-one private candle lit dinner at home with music and nice chilled glasses of wine.  Watching this video makes me appreciate how special the alone times are and how looking great when you're just chilling with your man is not something to take lightly.  The whole scenery and props in this video are simple making it easier to relate to.  A concept which is easily conceptualized and duplicated which brings it closer to home.

    Tuesday, November 9, 2010

    Broke? You Can Pay Attention

    I've been just taking it easy lately for lack of anything constructive to do.  I would like to have this much free time with a large bank account, however, since my current situation doesn't dictate that I've come to learn that being broke definitely causes me to pay attention.

    I find myself reading more in-depth into blogs, articles, and news reports as to what is going on.   One of the most interesting things I find which I never really found very interesting before where the Google Alerts I receive.  At one time I only had the alerts set up to alert me on "real estate" topics and news.  I've since expanded my alerts reach to include my name "Lynne Ruffin", my computer-related services business name "Web Styles", and now I'm thinking about alerting my "Natural Blackness" for updates.  I checked my inbox on my NaturalBlackness.com today and I have not personally given the email to anyone but I was overloaded with 133 emails.

    Now getting back on topic, virtual alerts can give you new insight!  I set Google Alerts a while back but never really paid much attention to them.  Now I find some of them down right hilarious.  It is amazing what some other people with "Lynne Ruffin" are up to.  I feel good when I see my "Lynne Ruffin" show up when I make a change to my website and it must resonate somewhere at the top of the alerts because I receive an alert.  I see some gibberish some days because it seems some people set up pages just to capture all the days alerts.  Not too bad of an idea if you have that kind of time because I sure the website ends up getting hits from the Google Alert users like me.



    The real estate alerts are very interesting.  Alerts in regards to what is happening in real estate markets all over the world.    My efforts lately have focused on trying to set myself up to capture more of an online market for my computer related services company.  When someone is looking for Lynne Ruffin I want them to find me.  As more people look to establish their website presence online I want them to come across one of my websites to purchase their domain name, hosting account, website design, database development and troubleshooting, "Yes!", I want them to find me!  I feel it is very important to keep abreast of what is going on that may impact you, your business, or the goods or services you provide.

    I can imagine companies in the past paid handsomely for strategic planners, market research analysts, etc. to do some of the work setting up a simple alert will do.  I can even set up alerts to monitor what competing businesses are doing and what new initiatives they are undertaking.  Hey of course I don't want the competition offering something (especially online) I don't offer.  It's all in the planning and thanks to the alerts I can do more strategically.  I can monitor what the tops in the field are doing in my strive to make as much money monthly online as they are making.  I would say more but in all honesty just a pinch will do there are a lot of high rollers in the online world.


    I can even set up an alert to help keep up with what is happening with the businesses for the websites I set up so I can offer new products to coincide with what is happening in their market.  Kitchen cabinets and see what the competitors are doing and how the market is in his side of the world.

    The thing I love about it is the alert information is in my inbox for me to read at my leisure.  I can spend the morning keeping up-to-date on what is happening with "web styles".  I can spend the afternoon looking to see what's happening with my name.  I can spend evenings and nights looking at social and cultural stuff.  It seems similar to having a image coach, marketing assistant, and personal adviser all rolled into one.

    The best part Google Alerts are easy to set up.  All you have to do is go to www.Google.com/Alerts and flow from there.  The alerts will start flowing in as they come up.  You can choose the frequency as to how often you want to receive them.  I receive my alerts "daily". 

    Friday, November 5, 2010

    How Does Your One Word Focus Impact Your Outcome?

    Okay good news today on people getting jobs again.  A steady increase over the past four months is very encouraging.  With all the posts I've read on FACEBOOK today it made me reflect on my local area.  What is different between now and when the economy seemed to be really flourishing when I was a little girl. 

    It finally dawned on me how much of an impact the word of focus in leading a project or issue forward impacts the outcome.  I recollect when I was a little girl around the age of twelve when girls weren't women fast, our church was undergoing a renovation.  As I recall the focus was "preservation".  Preserving a historically aged building to try and restore it to its original grandeur.  Of course the cost of materials would have been too great to restore all the ivory, brass, and railings with the original material.  However the restoration was still very well done.

    Okay time went on and my focus was on middle school and high school years.  My personal focus was just getting through.  The teachers I had who I felt were bigots were unfortunately the same teachers who would become the heads of their respective departments when my children attended my alma mater.  So sad. 

    Anyways, I went away to college and returned to the area permanently years later.  It appeared things changed drastically.  Drug usage in the black community was on the rise which was astounding.  Being someone who never used drugs it had to be very rampant for me to be aware of it.  Prior to college I did not know it was such an issue.  Over the years I would learn from talking with others who planned never to make this area their permanent home again it was apparently an issue to some degree before I left.

    At the time it didn't cause me much issue for pause because it wasn't as widespread as it is today.  As the years progressed I noticed more and more non-profit organizations closing their doors or suffering financially waiting on grants and other forms of income to keep them afloat.  It really seemed the flavor of the whole non-profit base or foundation they had been established early on had changed.  Non-profits were becoming more business like and less socially and economically oriented for the good of the people.

    Structurally the focus when I was twelve seemed to be around "preservation".  Over the years the area focus seemed to at one time to have switched to "conversation" and then it appeared it shifted into gears fast during the housing boom forward into one of "new construction". 

    Overall I don't think this area has been too swift on long term business retention and creating a warm fuzzy with businesses for their continued growth and success in this area.  When I was a young girl it appeared the non-profit and government leaders poured their time, energy, heart, and soul into the betterment of the area as a whole.  As time progressed it appeared things became more commercial and mechanical.  It was just a nine to five job no substance in the way of life prospering for citizens or change for the better. 

    The heart of the core existence of the area seems to have been lost somewhere along the way which I think has contributed heavily to the economic decline and blight in the areas hit hardest.  When I was a little girl I would have never imagined places like Burger Chef, Woolworths, Rices Nachmans, Hofheimers, and Smith and Welton, Peggy's closing their doors.  Some where able to stay in business longer than others and I don't know what dictated their fate.  It was sad to see them go.  I can remember how they were packed with shoppers this time of year, the beautiful store decorations, moms who didn't work all year long normally picking up a part-time job during the holiday season. 

    Now there are some businesses who have withstood the hands of times like Doumar's and Dog and Burger that I use to frequent when I attended Maury High School.  The photo studio where I took my high school portraits, McIntosh (sp.) is no longer there a realty company sits in its place.  I remember picking up my monthly Dell Crossword Puzzle book right down the street for years from the Roses store.  The Burger King my high school boyfriend frequented each Friday night after the football games and was traditionally packed during lunch time when I was in high school was one of the biggest surprises for me in seeing a business shut its doors.  It was like a high school landmark for him.  The girls knew where to get close to him without me being around because I wasn't allowed to hang out after the games. 

    The Church Street corridor with places like Toy Sun (smoke and rice on Friday night), Perkins Market (candy, potato chips, and pickles every Sunday after Sunday School right before Church how did the children after me survived without it I don't know?).  Simpkins (my favorite hard candy in bulk), I miss those places. 

    With the poor voter turnouts in the last two local elections and the expressions of apathy expressed I'm beginning to understand why even though I would hope things would be different.  There is a mall downtown but it doesn't have the same wholesome feel as the stores who had the same employees for years who knew your name and you knew theirs.  They have a food court with a larger selection of food but it's not the same as the mainstay places were you could match up the amount of your allowance with what items you were going to look forward to getting off the menu each week. It just seemed the stuff was served with a little more compassion than commercialism.  I thinking we should head back to a strategy of "preservation" it just seemed to work better.

    I'm wondering if the city includes in its five year plan, its ten year plan, its future plans anything in regards to community building with a connection to community.  Does it include factors like the impact the businesses have on helping to sustain non-profits like the Boys and Girls Club?  Do they have a weighted factor as to the overall impact a business has on their respective city?  How much does the business contribute to community activities, community sponsorships, taxes, jobs, human lives, local school initiatives, etc.

    Does it look to see how many good men the efforts of different businesses help to build?  Does it look at how many good men lives they've impacted directly or indirectly?  How many good men consequently left the area because even though the resources were there to build them, unfortunately the resources were not there to sustain them?  Why did they had to leave the area to for better opportunities, diversity, and to be a success they never would have become here?

    Do they see when you don't support your most valuable, assets the people, your walls of your other tangible assets will tumble down around you.  Maybe look more towards giving a hand than a handout.  Why do the parts of society where they give handouts end up being their only sustaining communities that they have to create redevelopment plans and initiatives to eliminate.  I mean really when do you realize it is time to go back to the drawing board and start over?

    I would challenge them to look at the plight of a whole class of blacks who graduated in the early 80's and see what the difference was between those who left the area and those who stayed and the reason why those who left won't be coming back.  Look at the areas with the most blight and see why a generation of hard working blacks who had homes in areas which were once considered affluent for blacks sit vacant and abandoned now.  The city is quick to blame blight on slum landlords.  The truth hurts so I guess what's on the surface is the easiest answer to embrace.  Could it be because it is not documented the families worked hard to make a better life for their children who are prospering so well they decided to abandon the homes rather than actively become a slum landlord or to come back.  They don't want to come back long term and look in the faces of the friends the systems and processes have failed. They don't want to look in the faces of friends and families who have been overtaken by the wrong elements (drugs).  Even though there has been a lot of money expended on issues and projects if we were measuring ROI we would be in the red.

    Thursday, November 4, 2010

    Why Did He Let the Dog Out on Us?

    Last evening all my grand girls and me exercised to music and then went walking for about 30 minutes.  One of the things I've learned recently and can really appreciate from the health classes is working out doesn't have to be fancy.  It doesn't require being a member of a gym with all the latest amenities to get in great shape.  You can go for a long walk and do exercise activities along the route and at intervals.  Weight management is not about dieting it is a lifestyle change.  Healthy eating and regular workout routines needs to be a part of daily living.

    We used YouTube to play a workout song we could do a group dance routine to.  I really like having three granddaughters to workout with.  It is one of those times I get to enjoy leading them in group activity.  Of course, we include time where each of them can lead a routine for the group to follow. 

    Well we went walking and I think probably as a joke someone let their dog out the yard.  It was a small pit bull looked liked a mix between being a pup and full grown.  Well, anyways, the guy waited until we walked past his house and then let the dog out without a leash.  The dog clearly had a collar on for attaching a leash so I think the guy did it as a joke.  The dog too off running after me and my grand girls.  The two oldest ran without saying a word or looking back as they ran the dog took off running.  The youngest of the bunch stopped to witness the excitement from both ends.  I yelled at the dog and he stopped in his tracks to run back towards his house.  Then he started at us again and I yelled louder and pointed and told him to go back home and he did.

    I was livid.  Why would some idiot think its funny to let a dog out on a woman and three girls?  I hope he does it again I'm go yell at him instead of yelling at the dog.

    My youngest granddaughter found it funny.  I felled to find the humor in it. 

    Wednesday, November 3, 2010

    Blacks Failed Miserably!

    Okay let's look at this last election as if it were a test.  To get a 100% on the test all you do is show up and vote.  Now lets say your score is based on the turnout of your race.  Thus, as a whole blacks failed miserably on this last test. 

    How would you feel if you were sitting in class and you had an opportunity to get a 100% on a test and you ended up with a 4.7%?  If it was a national literary test or a test for employment blacks would be screaming it was racially biased if they ended up with an average score of 4.7%.  Lawyers and lawsuits would be flying like flying saucers.



    Failing tests has never been my thing.  Personally I'm outraged and I know there are probably 95.3% of the black voting population that may not care.  Or at least their actions in this last election support symptoms of apathy.

    So my question is why when blacks are faced with an opportunity to succeed on a test by just showing up blacks fail miserably?  Blacks got 95.3% of it wrong.  What happened?  As a group blacks left 95.3% of the questions unanswered.  The answers did not require any studying, like voting it was a choice whether or not you wanted to study the candidates position for this test.  On an individual basis, there were no wrong answers.  The only thing that was going to happen was the answers were going to be counted to determine a winner.  For purposes of this test blacks were counted as a whole to equal 100%. 

    You could have had the test (ballot) read to you if you couldn't read it. Close your eyes and make a selection if you wanted to.

    The most perplexing question is who do blacks really support?  Well I really don't think blacks had enough of a turnout to call it.  Elections are not a random sampling folks.  Elections are held for people to exercise their right to vote. 

    The initial inference is that everyone who is registered to vote will come out to vote, thus that's were the 100% comes from.  If I was looking at statistics like this I would quickly surmise this was a random sampling, 4.7% out of a population of  100%. However, the election is not a random sampling, it is all-inclusive of 100% of the registered voter population.  Elections are not designed to be random samplings they are designed to include the whole population of registered voters.

    If you feel so strongly your vote doesn't make a difference vote anyways to get blacks closer to the 100% turnout.  Make a difference with the margin of error being towards at least making the count. 

    If the candidates appearing on the ballot are not impressive, well you have the opportunity to affect change in that regards as well.  Don't wait until the last minute. Start early helping to get candidates on the next ballot who would empower you and the other 95.3% who didn't vote to get inspired with the initiative to get out and vote.  In fact, why not start today researching what you needs to happen for a person to run for election.

    Get it together and get candidates who meet your standards on the ballot.  Then maybe we can turn the percentages around and get a 95.3% turnout and a 4.7% no show rate.  Our children are watching what is happening. 

    As long as anyone succumbs to indifference things won't change.  Change can only be affected from within.   I certainly hope this is not a message that 95.3% of blacks don't think change is necessary.  Lord help us.  If there are only 4.7% out of a possible100% in the the game it sends the message we are okay with more of the same.  Does the word "complacency" ring a bell?

    Now when blacks complain about anything the response to 95.3% of them will be "shut up".  And we know blacks don't like to be told "shut up".  When I was a child those were fighting words.  Blacks had a voice and did not use it at an alarming rate of about 95.3%.

    Learn to be a team player and play the game by the rules. I'm dismayed my grandchildren are having to listen to these reports of apathy on the news.  Is apathy becoming the new black?  I certainly hope not.

    Tuesday, November 2, 2010

    Congratulations to the Winners!

    For all the areas where the election results are in I would just like to say Congratulations to the winners!