When things hit they really hit. I am at a crossroads and really don't know what to do. I have been looking for a permanent full-time position for almost a year now.
Personally I feel my education, skills, and abilities are highgly competitive. Based on the positions I have held in my lifetime I have always been a major contributor. I know right now the competition is really tough in the area where I am home based.
Thus, I am trying to figure out a way I can relocate to a more lucrative market. I can type about a 100 words a minute. I can troubleshoot code like a wiz. I can clean the heck out of a house. I can do a lot of things. In my lifetime with raising three children, having grandchildren of which two I have been very active in their life and serving as a companion aide to my mother with her terminal illness I have become adept at doing alot of things. I am that type of person who does extra.
This week by the grace of God I have been staying the past couple of days with a friend. I am glad he extended the invitation. I really was at a point where I needed a break. Strictly platonic and I feel that is most important and best at all. I am really not at a point in my life where I want to enter into a new fling.
I know on the surface it may look bad to a lot of people just the mere thought of a man and woman being under the same roof. But I really don't care what people think I know and God knows what is happening.
In hindsight it seems like a situation that was made in heaven. Because it is clean and it is allowing for a lot of cleaning. I don't feel as stressed as I did when I was sitting around at home. I was frustrated because my grass is way too overgrown and my lawn mower was stolen a while back and I had been paying someone to maintain my yard. My son is always too busy with school and work to keep it up during daylight hours which is driving me insane.
Over the past six years with my son being away and then coming back he is not as nice as he used to be and he doesn't even realize it. We needed a big break from each other as well. No since in getting into saying a lot of things we may both regret later on. Our relationship is not by choice it is by force with us being mother and son and all. I guess even though our relationship reconfirms why me and his father did not make it on so many levels I really need to pray on a way and the peace to make it with him. I literally can close my eyes and know what his next move or statement is going to be. At times I feel like I have an unfair advantage. He has his strengths and he is very bossy and demanding. We both have very strong personalities and by no means is one of us better than the other of us we just need to work on finding a way to make things mesh.
He's ready to have me committed and I'm ready to follow the old adage I brought you into this world and I'll take you out. We have a generation of differences in opinions, attitude, and a whole other boat load of variables. I try and remember I was young once too and I did consider all my parents had to say as the truth and the light either.
He told me he doesn't want to hear about coupons, he doesn't want to learn how to live poor don't even entertain him with that stuff. He says God gives his hardest battles to his toughest soldiers and he is in it to go get it. He told me I need to get my motivation back. He has job offers and is going to school with a mark against him. I tell him he's not trying to do it at 50.
I am really trying to do it at 50. I fill like it is trying to do life reimagined. Things aren't as easy as they were when I was 29. When I was 29 a lot of things were different for me. I had men who adored me that I wish I could have put on lay-a-way for days like this. At 29 if I was unemployed and couldn't find a job it would have been a non-issue compared to now.
Let me end this here because the way I'm feeling right now sitting here in a public place typing a very personal part of what is happening right now I feel is really pathetic. Lord I pray things change and real soon.
I am thankful I was blessed with a place to come for a mini retreat for some peace. Now I am praying that when my son comes back to pick me up (and I hope he does) it will be just as peaceful.
I am have to start living my life reimagined because things are just not the same. I'm going to have to woman up and face that. I hope the people I love will love and trust that I am going through some things right now and I am trying to get it together the best I know how to be a help mate.
May God bless me in conquering in victory a life reimagined.
Personally I feel my education, skills, and abilities are highgly competitive. Based on the positions I have held in my lifetime I have always been a major contributor. I know right now the competition is really tough in the area where I am home based.
Thus, I am trying to figure out a way I can relocate to a more lucrative market. I can type about a 100 words a minute. I can troubleshoot code like a wiz. I can clean the heck out of a house. I can do a lot of things. In my lifetime with raising three children, having grandchildren of which two I have been very active in their life and serving as a companion aide to my mother with her terminal illness I have become adept at doing alot of things. I am that type of person who does extra.
This week by the grace of God I have been staying the past couple of days with a friend. I am glad he extended the invitation. I really was at a point where I needed a break. Strictly platonic and I feel that is most important and best at all. I am really not at a point in my life where I want to enter into a new fling.
I know on the surface it may look bad to a lot of people just the mere thought of a man and woman being under the same roof. But I really don't care what people think I know and God knows what is happening.
In hindsight it seems like a situation that was made in heaven. Because it is clean and it is allowing for a lot of cleaning. I don't feel as stressed as I did when I was sitting around at home. I was frustrated because my grass is way too overgrown and my lawn mower was stolen a while back and I had been paying someone to maintain my yard. My son is always too busy with school and work to keep it up during daylight hours which is driving me insane.
Over the past six years with my son being away and then coming back he is not as nice as he used to be and he doesn't even realize it. We needed a big break from each other as well. No since in getting into saying a lot of things we may both regret later on. Our relationship is not by choice it is by force with us being mother and son and all. I guess even though our relationship reconfirms why me and his father did not make it on so many levels I really need to pray on a way and the peace to make it with him. I literally can close my eyes and know what his next move or statement is going to be. At times I feel like I have an unfair advantage. He has his strengths and he is very bossy and demanding. We both have very strong personalities and by no means is one of us better than the other of us we just need to work on finding a way to make things mesh.
He's ready to have me committed and I'm ready to follow the old adage I brought you into this world and I'll take you out. We have a generation of differences in opinions, attitude, and a whole other boat load of variables. I try and remember I was young once too and I did consider all my parents had to say as the truth and the light either.
He told me he doesn't want to hear about coupons, he doesn't want to learn how to live poor don't even entertain him with that stuff. He says God gives his hardest battles to his toughest soldiers and he is in it to go get it. He told me I need to get my motivation back. He has job offers and is going to school with a mark against him. I tell him he's not trying to do it at 50.
I am really trying to do it at 50. I fill like it is trying to do life reimagined. Things aren't as easy as they were when I was 29. When I was 29 a lot of things were different for me. I had men who adored me that I wish I could have put on lay-a-way for days like this. At 29 if I was unemployed and couldn't find a job it would have been a non-issue compared to now.
Let me end this here because the way I'm feeling right now sitting here in a public place typing a very personal part of what is happening right now I feel is really pathetic. Lord I pray things change and real soon.
I am thankful I was blessed with a place to come for a mini retreat for some peace. Now I am praying that when my son comes back to pick me up (and I hope he does) it will be just as peaceful.
I am have to start living my life reimagined because things are just not the same. I'm going to have to woman up and face that. I hope the people I love will love and trust that I am going through some things right now and I am trying to get it together the best I know how to be a help mate.
May God bless me in conquering in victory a life reimagined.
