Outsmarting Someone Can Be a Self-Destructing Force

Earlier today when I went out to run some errands on the way back home I was mindful of how when I was younger and I would do things to outsmart my parents what I was really do was taking another notch out of my own future.  Things like having children and you see some of the things they do to self-destruct will make one mindful of that.

It brought to mind that all three of my children are really smart.  They always made it their mission to outsmart me even if they had to form an alliance to do so.  I do wonder why they are not that close nowadays.  Anyways, I realized the one who did the most outsmarting is the one who has suffered the most unbeknownst.  As a young person I'm sure it is easy to feel like every time we outsmart our parents for whatever reason we've really done something.  Another whew moment, got that one over on them.

However, now that I have my grown girl pants on I realize every time I outsmarted my parents or grandparents what I was really doing was adding fuel to my own demise.  I remember when I was able to figure out a way to be able to go to the football games, basketball games, dances (for a few minutes) when I in high school.  My first big step of accomplishment so I felt so I could get to see the guy I worshiped the ground for play ball.  I would not have been able to go out any other way because my grandmother was just too strict.  I became a cheerleader so I could spend more time with the one person who she didn't want me to spend any time with at all.

In retrospect, I look at my GPA from prior to then versus during that time until when I was prepared to accept the challenge academically and my grades really reflect it.  My grandmother had told me to wait another year until I got used to being in high school.  But I pushed until she was okay with me doing it right then and now.

I remember when my parents wanted me to go overseas to go to college and I did everything I could think of to stay state bound.  My final attempt worked staying and going to the same college my brother was attending.  Other than that I assuredly would have been sailing the seven seas.  There mission was I could go anywhere to college I wanted as long as it wasn't at home.  They knew the deal and I was wet behind the ears.  I'm thankful now they were as persistent as they were.  If I would have stayed at home I probably would have got loss in the sauce.  I guess they never figured my high school sweetheart would travel to come and be with me.  Not the first year because I was all the way in Mississippi but the next couple of years because I was closer to home.

They pushed for me to push myself because they felt he was winning my ear.  So I did push myself and take enough course hours to finish up my studies a year early.

Why did I fight?  I thought I knew more than them apparently.  Life has showed me I really didn't know "diddly squat" as my grandmother would often tell me.  She would challenge me to live long enough and I would know exactly what she meant.

Well I think I have finally lived long enough.  Having gone through the same things with the bright minds who think they are outsmarting me when it actually shouldn't be about outsmarting me.  It should be about looking at the big picture and seeing the pieces actually fit together rather than trying to fit stuff that don't go easy.  How smart is it really when you end up with the raw end of the stick?  How smart is it really when everything you felt you were working for goes up in smoke?  How smart is it really when the people you were listening to voices really weren't worth listening to and those voices are no longer there?  How smart is it really when you realize after the person you should have been listening to all along is covered in dirt and all you have is the memories of what they did say?

As a mother, the biggest hurts I've suffered is when my children feel they have outsmarted me.  My soul is crying for them because deep down inside I know they are not hurting me they are too young to realize it but they are really hurting themselves.

Life has a way to show you how smart you really are when it is too late to change what happened in the past. You can just swallow the pill, deal with it and move on.  As a mother, I hope just that they learn before its too late to move on from the things that bind.

I thank God every day for allowing me to move forward from things that have been a hindrance or bound me in my life.  I thank God every day because some of the things I thought I needed to let go of I didn't.  I think God for the times I was on such a heavy roll I was priding myself for outsmarting anything I had ever done.  One day you realize smarts are based in humility.

I think back to my experiences in the work a day world.  There are always people forming cliches.  They bind together to usually outsmart someone else to make the other person's work experience full of trials and tribulations.  They think they are being so smart.  Then one day when the person is gone they realize they really weren't so smart at all.  All the name calling, the watching, the back biting, the pressure, the need to make someone feel uncomfortable was distorting their view of the big picture.  They weren't the major contributor the person they slung out the door was.  They hadn't come up with a good idea in thirteen years and here someone comes and presents thirteen great ideas in the course of a little over a year who they treat like crap.  The game was to outsmart the person and belittle them and their accomplishments and achievements all along.

Smart people have it tough in the work a day world.  They are normally honest, trustworthy, hard-working people who get the raw end of the deal due to other folk incompetence.  The only way the playing field came seem level for insecure people is to make personal attacks to make the person seem incompetent based on trivial personal attacks that they escalate out of proportion.

Once the smart person leaves who is really smart?  The one who left or the one who stayed?  The one who was outsmarted and outwitted to leave normally can take their skills and abilities elsewhere.  They yes are missing out on making money.  But God provides very well for his children.  I've seen folk outcast and outlast their circumstances.

Be humble, for tomorrow is only a day away, there is no way you can outsmart it coming.  Live your life like your tomorrow depends on the wise decisions you make today.  The next time you think you're outsmarting someone stop for a second to see how you personally and maybe even professionally and spiritually will be impacted.  Short term gain can lead to long term everlasting pain.

A Heavy Hitter: Swinging the Bat At Life, My Arms Got Tired!

“I could never imagine you not on the top of your game!” Those words always cause a moment for the pause when I reflect back on my life. During the years I was raising my children the alarm clock didn’t have to go off I had an internal clock which operated on motherly instinct. I can pride myself in that out of my three children when they were attending school they may have been late a few minutes sometimes but they hardly ever missed a day, maybe once or twice in all their years of schooling.

During the times they were on top of their game my adrenaline was overflowing and I was on a higher level as well. The Lord knows I spent more time on bended knees when I was rearing them than I ever have in my life. I spent more time in Church when I was rearing them than I ever had in my life. I spent more time on the pulpit reading scripture and chanting praises every Sunday than I ever have in my life. I was not absent from my children, I was present in life because of them. They were everything I lived for, I breathed for, got up for. They were the three things in the superficial life prior to them which made me realize I could call mine. The folks who can’t stand me now because of my persona really wouldn’t have been able to tolerate me had it not been for my having them. My children: they changed my whole nature, my whole outlook on life.

We did a lot of activities together. The activities were the up moments. They were the reward moments when being a parent was all worth it. When we would drive up to Maryland to go to Ocean City to go on the carnival rides, sit on the beach, go to the shops, go visit friends or family in DC, Maryland, North Carolina, or New York. The events like the ice shows, the circus, the games, the concerts, the school functions, the band performances, the orchestra performances, our family group musical performances, everything was all worth it from our humble beginnings and beyond. The holidays were always joyful we celebrated at home and went visiting many other homes during the holidays. Birthdays were off the chain. I was happy they were here and I was even more excited by the fact they were mine. I genuinely wanted my children to be happy and share with them openly how much happiness they brought to my life.

As they grew older we seemed to have grown apart. They had their lives to live. They had their own children to be concerned about. I felt like I became a player confined to the dugout. I recall the emptiest five years of my life was when I was an empty nester the first time around. It was a hit I didn’t see as a hit until years later. It was a hit I brought on all myself. Sometimes it is not such a good thing to be an enabler. I had to let go and let God. I prayed long and hard they would be successful. They took it as me letting go of them when I asked them all to move out in thirty days. I saw it as something I had to do to get them to realize life was real. I wasn’t going to be able to be able to hold them in my grasps like they were young innocent children all their lives. I didn’t want to let go of them but I had to let them go. There is a difference. They feel like I put them out and I feel like I put them up to realizing the full potential they had within that they were not putting to its optimal use. They were smarter than me, they had more common sense than me, they looked better than me, had more energy than me. I just couldn’t put my finger on anything else than the issue with them was actually me. I had to let go, either they would sink or swim. Now I’m wondering why that saying is reversed. Why couldn’t it be swim or sink?

Anyways, it is when the real hits started coming at me like fast balls. I kept paying their cell phone plans because I wanted to be able to reach them. They stopped taking my calls. I left their phones on for years anyways. I figured they would call once they realized I was doing what I did more so for them than for me. I was hurting. They didn’t know it because they were hurting too. I was hurting so much there would be many days I wouldn’t make it to work until 10 a.m. I figure the only reason I wasn’t fired is because without them my work became my refuge. I was excellent at reconciling accounts. I became better at automating processes. My work became my escape. I was selling more houses than I ever sold so I quit my job. I always wanted the freedom to go it alone. I literally stepped out the bed one morning and wondered why am I doing all this? I really felt like I had nothing to work for anymore. I wasn’t married, my kids were gone. I think a lot had to do with how hard I was working to get ahead and it was the office politics which I felt were an unnecessary evil which ended up being the most decisive factor in my stepping out of the work-a-day world. The thing that should be separated from work is politics they really should have let faith stay. I would prefer to know someone’s religious aptitude rather than their political aptitude.

Getting back on the topic of my children, I didn’t realize how much of an enabler I was becoming. It was like I was out in left field with the bases loaded chasing down a fly away ball hit way above my head too high to think about catching. The only thing I could do was turn around and chase the ball down once it landed and rolled. I was running my fastest to get to the ball, pick it up, and then turning back around running close enough into the field to throw it at someone to throw it into the catcher before everyone on the opposing team ran into home plate and scored. I stand there on the field panting and out of breath with my head bent over, my hands on my knees gasping for air and feeling the defeat. There have been moments in my life when I felt everyone on the opposing team had made a home run before I could get the ball to the catcher to end the reign of terror. It really makes me wonder about those folks who look at me and dislike me right off because they feel like I’m the type of woman who gets everything I want in life. Really, and is that really a real reason to dislike someone? Let them keep thinking it day end and day out because sometimes as a person thinks it comes to pass.

Okay after a loss I practiced (prayed) things would get better. As my adult children got older, the hits began coming too fast for me to keep up. It reminded me of when my children and I would go to a batting cage and as the time progressed the speed of the balls coming at them revved up. I remember standing behind them individually as their turn to bat came up and holding them in my arms and helping to guide their arms to try and help them with swinging faster to hit the balls. I let go as their confidence in their own abilities set it in which I could normally tell when they began saying “yay” and smiling. The internal instinct in me took over to guide them to be their best and letting go once they had reached their plateau.

One thing that resonates loudly in my mind is when someone said to me one day “they couldn’t ever imagine me being off my game.” Needless to say hits kept coming so fast one day I dropped the bat. My arms were sore from swinging. It got to the point it felt like I was the only one going up to bat. Everyone else was sitting on the bench talking like she is crazy because the game has been lost.

I am here today to save I serve a risen savior. People can practice discrimination, they can practice religious persecution, they can practice not liking me, they can black list me, they can black ball me, they can despitefully use me, but I have a heavy hitter who is always on my side and I call him a friend and his name is Jesus. We have the same Father and his name is God. They have been in my court, in my corner at the times in my life when I have been forsaken by others the most.

When I look like I’m off my game and I’m down I’m still swinging by the grace and mercy of King Jesus. During those times when I am panting for my last breath I take comfort in knowing the breath of life comes from God Almighty.

I stopped swinging, and dropped the bat and it felt like the balls kept coming at me and just hitting me as an open target. Prayer changes things. The one word of hope comes from places sometimes we don’t even know they’re coming. Sometimes it is not what we go through but what others go through which renews the hope in us. God has a way of delivering a message that will soothe those tired arms, make you pick up that bat and cause you literally cause you to be a heavy hitter again.

Today I it is weighing heavy on my soul one of my babies need me for moral support and Lord up in heaven above know I’m on my way. Sometimes just seeing my face gives them the “ I got this all by myself” attitude they need to succeed.

Whether it is here in the U.S. or abroad God is omnipresent for wherever I go I hope it is God will which sends me to keep batting for my soul is worth the redemption. It’s not a global thing it is a noble thing, he is “King of Kings, Lord of Lords”- Revelation 19:9. I am not perfect and don’t even come close but in all things good and righteous: “To God Be the Glory”.

I’m going to keep swinging to hear those words “well done my good and faithful servant.” I know there are still going to be some fast balls, some curve balls, and some balls to come right at me and hit me in the gut I’m just asking and praying for the strength to handle them all and hit a home run a time or two in Jesus name, Amen.

When God calls your number what will your response be?

Now I have come across a lot of planners in my lifetime.  One of the best planners I know is my mother.  She has never been the type of person to leave things to chance.  She has always did what needs to be done to make things happen.

My mother finished high school, she has some college under her belt.  However, I think the attribute which has done her well is her ability to make sure things were in place to happen.  During her career she escalated to be a supervisor of a medical component which now requires the individual to be a licensed RN.

She is very well versed on medical terms, medicines, and medical conditions.  She started off from the bottom as a telephone operator taking incoming calls for medical appointments.  When she left government service she was Supervisor of the Tumor Registry.  It was no easy climb.  She often had to fight to get the respect she deserved.  And believe you and me she had no issue with fighting.  To meet her you would never know it.

Her favorite all-time endearing name for me is not favorable at all.  It is the same name you would call a four-legged female dog.  My mother used to call me that name so much one day as a child I looked it up to see what it meant.

Even at fifty she's called me that name.  She says that's who I am and if you don't know you better ask somebody.  For the record, I don't look at myself the same.  I contribute the name of endearment she has for me as a result of the Freudian philosophy.

She always considered herself as the Queen B.  And from men during her heyday she commanded her respect as well.  She never wanted for anything and she lived by her mantra that her children would never want for anything either.

One thing I can say about my mother is that she has that tenacity to get things done.  Definitely not the type to leave things to chance and think they might get done.

Well, in another sense she is an extremist.  She has her life so far planned out she even planned her after life.  She has owned her burial plot since probably I was in grade school.  I remember when she was first diagnosed with MS she cried.  I think more so because it was one thing she hadn't planned on.  Life will at times overwhelm us.

I would have you to know that she planned her life out so far as much as she can that the only thing we are to do is call and let them know she is ready whenever the day comes.  She is a strong lady.  She was diagnosed with MS over thirty years ago and by the way the diseased had already metastasized when she was diagnosed they estimated she had it ten years prior to the diagnosis. 

I have to give it to old girl.  I was in the critical care unit with her the other day after the emergency response vehicles had taken her to the hospital.  They had taken her out and brought her back in the room after performing a cat scan then later did x-rays.  I don't remember the exact point but she was talking as if she was having a conversation with God and she "God no, call Lisa".  Lisa is my eldest child and she has been the caretaker for her children.  Needless to say my mother she never ceases to amaze me.

I truly believe when our number is called a timeline of our life, our decisions, our choices is going to be brought to light.  We are going to be able to read what is on the mind of the people right there in the room with us.   I think it is going to be a time when God will reveal to us things we may have seen differently.  We will be vulnerable to God's actions like we really are every day.  If you really want to see who is in control go sit by the bed side of someone who is hanging on for dear life with a strong will and not ready to move on.  God is in control.

One thing I've learned this week.  God is with us and will walk with us and talk with us until we take our last breath and beyond.  I feel I'm covered.  And all I can say is thank you Jesus for all you do and all you provide.  Some times the best things via lessons we receive in life have been paid in full.  When the master planner calls to talk to you he doesn't have to have any phone plan.  He doesn't have to worry about getting a busy signal.  He doesn't have to worry about anyone intercepting the line, he doesn't have to worry about someone tracking or tracing the phone call.  When the Master calls you won't even need to be able to move a muscle, he'll be all inside your head.  He'll go over the communication line to your heart, he'll answer up where you are weak in answering.  He'll take you through the good times, he'll take you through the bad times.  He'll recount the times of indifference.  When God calls all we can do is listen.

My mother was telling me Lynne don't jump, don't jump off the block.  Trust and believe "On Christ the solid rock I stand all other ground is sinking sand...", I know that, it was one of my grandmother's favorite hymns.  To God be the glory for letting me bask in the presence of two great women.

The last deed I performed with my mother of great significance is taking her to vote in the last election in November 2013.  I was so thankful she had the strength for me to carry her to the polls.  I proudly walked inside and asked for assistance with someone bringing out a ballot for her to cast her vote.  It has happened that way for the last few elections.  It reinforces in me how good God is and how important it is to exercise our rights to be heard, to be respected, to count and make a difference.

When God calls your number will you be able to say Lord I did all I could with all I had. I never would have never envisioned asking God to call someone else.  Now I'm wondering if that is what you would call having a competitive spirit, arrogance, or what?  When God calls your number will you ask him to call someone else or had you even thought that far out?