The phone rang at 12:16 p.m. today. I was lying in the bed in haste as to how the day was going to pan out because yesterday it snowed. I wasn't even thinking about getting up and going out in the cold weather. Well, my son called.
I looked at the caller i.d. and saw it was an incoming call from my son. I answered the phone and hit "0" to accept the debit call. Then I said "Hello". He says you sound like you're still sleeping. He then went on to say you're still in the bed this time of day. I told him I just hadn't gotten up I was awake.
We went on to talk about my wanting to streamline refinance the house but was running into difficulty because at one point I had refinanced the house and added my ex husband to the mortgage. Now I was having to provide documentation of being able to once again have the mortgage just in my name.
I let him know the only reason why I had even considered it was because the bank had called me offering an equity line of credit. I let them know I wasn't interested in an equity line of credit but if I could qualify for one of the mortgage programs just to refinance my house at a lower interest rate I would be willing to do that. Albeit, is when the streamline refinance attempt came about. I don't want to borrow against the equity in my property. I want to one day be able to burn the note. It used to be something old folks used to look forward to. When they could burn the note on their homes or churches.
Well his concern seemed to be was I about to get over my head in debt. We went on to discuss the differences in rates, payments, and other variables between a mortgage and equity line of credit. I told him to read up on equity lines of credit. Especially considering he has nothing but time on his hand.
The conversation with him made me realize how much I miss having him free to talk to on a whim. He is one of the two people who I have always felt I can relate to and be open about anything with. He is a great listener. My using big words doesn't bother him. He is very open and honest. So much so I don't think he would be where he is today if he would have just lied a little bit. I was sitting in the court room thinking why he is being so forth coming on his trial date. Did he want to be incarcerated? Oh well, water under the bridge.
It goes without a doubt that I love my son. I feel bad that the woman who was his fiance before he was incarcerated has moved on without him and has two more children since he has been away. He stuck by her. He never brought any other females to my house. He totally respected her. I think he is handsome, he's tall, and he is nice looking. My friends tell me the children she proclaims are is aren't his because I have a nice looking son. I guess they are really saying my grandchildren aren't nice looking. Thankfully she is a nice person and a great mother. As far as the mother of his children I don't think he could have found a better person. I do wish he could meet a nice young lady that would be there for him and be supportive of him like he is of others.
Thankfully he has other friends, family members, and folks he knows who still look out for him. He is a great person to talk to if he'll talk to you. He doesn't talk to everyone. He has very high moral standards. He is not in jail because he is a low life. He is in jail because he was chasing his million dollar dreams in lieu of working a job and being severely underpaid. He was an easy recruit for the drug lords. They were down behind him because they knew his momma had raised him right and he was a very intelligent young man. They needed someone with his thinking capacity on his team. Unfortunately they used the one thing against him that he cared about the most to lure him in, his mother. They used to always tell him you don't want to work hard all your life to have as little as your mother has. I know I've blogged on it before but it still hurts like crap. Here I was thinking I was always on top of my game so they wouldn't have to want for anything.
Things sometimes happen for a reason. I really think the time away has opened his heart to a lot. Now when I go visit him he says I don't know how you did it. He'll say to me you always made sure we didn't want for anything. You took us to the movies, you took us to the circus, you took us on get-a-ways, you kept us clothed, you bought us what we wanted, you had us participating in everything, you made us smart, we had a computer and television in every room even the kitchen, you brought me five cars and I didn't take care of them, you did you, you sacrificed everything for us, you shut out everything for us, the only thing that mattered to you was us, you even put us ahead of your own happiness.
I look back over my years. One of the most painful things in my life was the incarceration of my son for a crime in support of a drug war where no one is winning. In retrospect I feel like I was on the battlefield pretty much like an innocent bystander. Standing there getting up torn up. I didn't have the right uniform. I didn't have any protection. Just left out there hopeless, helpless, worn, and torn seeing the self-destruction, the casualties, and the oppression and depression all around. There were other mothers, grandmothers, wives, girlfriends, sisters, brothers, aunts, and uncles who suffered fatalities. Women have lost husbands, mothers have lost sons, some to being incarcerated some to death, even some who have become disabled.
So Lord I pray out, I cry out that you end this drug war. Don't let another casualty come about, don't let another family be ruined. Lord I ask that you escalate this situation to a level of non reproach. Unlike Pharaoh in Egypt I know your power. I know you have the power to end this right now here today right this minute. Lord we need our sons, we need our husbands, we need our daughters. Let them not be continually conformed to the ways of the world. Lord send a strong message not just to overcome but that the victory is not near it is here. Through you Lord nothing is impossible. The millions upon millions, the lives upon lives, the tears upon tears, the years upon years, nothing can withstand your mighty power. The end to this war on drugs let it be so in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit I pray, Amen and Amen.
