Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself - Again!

Those who know me may know one of my greatest mentors had a very unconventional career.  In hindsight I consider him a mentor because he taught me more about life and people than I had learned in all the years prior to knowing him.  He would never bite his tongue when it came to telling me about myself.  He would always say "I'm not going to bite my tongue, I'm going to say what I have to say because when I bite my tongue I bleed.  I'm not scared of you."

Well he had no reason to be scared of me because he was way bigger than me in size.  I saw him punch the heck out of someone one day and it wasn't even serious, I would have never tried him.  It's funny because he would always say if we ever got into an altercation he would have to shoot me.  One of those people who I will always have mad love for because he helped me to change my world.  I did a lot of growing personally and professionally because of him when I was young.  Looking back now I can truly see my life moved at the pace it did because he was always challenging me and encouraging me to not only survive but thrive in all my endeavors.  Lord knows they don't make friends like him anymore.  Friend, coach, confidant, protector, teacher, and so much more.

The one saying he had which stands out the most is that he say to me at times "check yourself before you wreck yourself."  The biggest lesson I learned from that because he made me aware of it was back when I was in school I wouldn't have anything to do with him.  I quickly disputed him and he was even quicker to say "no you wouldn't" and went on tell me why.  In retrospect I realized I could of had a friend, he was a friend of my high school sweetheart and I never knew.  I even dropped my high school sweetheart off at his house a couple of times and never did see him.  I did glance at him on one occasion because he was sitting on the front porch bottom stoop.  I had looked back after my high school sweetheart got out the car.  This was after high school though.  Thus, he had known him for years.  My high school sweetheart was another person who had a pivotal impact on my life.  He was one of my first best friends.  As my grandmother would say I worshiped the ground he (my high school sweetheart) walked on.

I feel each of us is uniquely and wondrously made by God.  I don't go around hating and not being able to stand people because of how they look, act, level of intellect, level of achievement and other stuff because I realize I can't change a person. Attitude is a reaction and I treat others with respect according to how we interact with each other individually and collectively.  Unfortunately, I'm definitely not a kiss up type person.  I do realize I need some fixing when it comes to that.  When I hear the way some folks talk about others who they claim to be friends with and/or are related to it is a turn off for me to want to be smiling in their face.  Some people can dwell all in it, I can't.  Giving time to negative energy for me drains too much from me.  I don't form cliques to conspire and hate against others.  I have enough other positive stuff I can be doing.  No I don't think I'm better than anyone else.  I'm very humble in that regards.  Since you can't possibly know what is inside my head I hope it will bring some ease to your mind to know my thoughts are mainly solution driven.  Other than that my thoughts are mainly on my children and grandchildren and what I can do to help them along the way.  To try and keep them encouraged and their thoughts and mind strengthened and uplifted to drown out the noise which seeks to weaken and destroy.  I'm not angry, I'm not mad, and I'm not upset.  Because I know from being a kindhearted person part of the reason is because they listen to the same dumb stuff from the same person I listen to dumb stuff from rather than telling them to shut the blink blank up.  Divide and conquer is some people's mantra, not mine.

I learned to check myself many years ago.  Always striving to not be bitter but better because intrinsically it is a much more better feeling.

One thing all my real friends had in common, they pray.  They will get down on their knees and pray in front of you and pray beside you if need be.  The love of God and doing and accepting him for his greatness for me is the true checkpoint.  Have you checked yourself lately?

Sabotage as a Strategy: You're On Your Own!

Let me tell you something that is real fundamental about me.  I was raised in a Christian household.  I went to Church every Sunday up until I went away to college and I have said that before.

Sitting back in the back of the Church watching my Great Grandmother usher, my Grandfather usher, and my Grandmother usher and as a child and even at one point as an adult being an usher my self.  I learned service to others.  Some people lose the meaning of what service to others really entails.

Throughout life there are lessons to be learned in various mediums.  Some lessons you learn in school, some lessons you learn at home, some lessons you learn playing outside as a child, some lessons you learn in Church, some lessons you learn at work, some lessons you learn just by taking your individual walk in life.

One thing I always tried to teach my children was to be unique.  Don't let others define you.  Be honest about everything.  Don't ever have a teacher have to call me about your misbehaving in school because she can't teach if she has to preach.  Don't cause your teacher to have to take time away from others to scold you. Most of all help others.  I taught them how to help others via our years of volunteer service prior to my getting married.  We did what we were supposed to during the day and we helped others in the evenings and on the weekends.  Unfortunately, they chose not to do any volunteer service later in life. 

I sort of see them as the ones on the outside looking in as they were watching me try and mold and guide them.  One thing I never taught my children was to sabotage the actions and reactions of others.  To treat everyone with the respect they deserve.  Watching all the mess which goes on with reality television I wonder if I did them a disservice in not at least bringing to the limelight how some people only know sabotage as a strategy, they don't nothing else. 

When I say sabotage as a strategy I mean you know those folks who do things because they can't be as good as you so the only thing they know is take, take, take.  The misguided souls who figure as long as they keep a good person down they will always rise up. 

I think some people watch too much reality television and fail to realize they are shows for the rating.  They let the bad habits and ways they see in these shows spill over into their life. 

My favorite reality shows are those which inspire, uplift, and encourage.  Others favorites seem to be the ones where people are acting ignorant, loud, rude, and obnoxious.  The worst they act the higher the ratings. 

Personally I like the reality shows that shows the more creativity, energy, hard work executed with good ethics brings about the best results.  I like seeing great ideas in motion.  New ways of doing things.  Business practices and business strategies that help to inspire and encourage others.

It really comes as no surprise to me that some folks only strategy is sabotage.  You have websites that get hacked because others sometimes want to bring the competition down.  Others hack and bring folks websites and files down for the fun of it just to throw folks off their game.  They change up files.  The Internet and any network actually has the capability to allow unscrupulous folk to shine.

I thank God that he is all knowing and all seeing.  Someone may be getting away hacking into stuff that may impact me but again God is all seeing and all knowing.  I know there are a lot of people who may not believe in God.  I was raised to be a God fearing person.  I don't do things to sabotage others because I try and live my life in accordance with what is pleasing in Gods eyes.  I don't do things to intentionally sin more but as I saw in a post recently which is very fitting I live my in accordance with sinning less.

So if sabotage is your strategy I feel sorry for you.  I'll never compete on that level.  I'm competing for a higher power.

The Nappy Headed Hair Look is Not For Me!

Natural Look Versus the Nappy Look - There is A Difference!

To me, there is a huge difference between wearing your hair natural and your head looking nappy.  Agreeably, everyone has their own style.  As for me personally when it comes to hairstyles I like a nice, well groomed look.  If I'm feeling a little flirty I can stand it to look a little messy.  I've noticed men are attracted to women who look low maintenance.  Which could definitely be why I don't have a man.  I care about how I look in public.  When I step out to go anywhere there's a crowd I definitely don't want to look low maintenance.  I only want the guys who like to spend attracted to me.  Frugal starts with the same letter as to how I feel about frugal men. Or better yet they can be frugal but just not frugal with me.

However, getting back to my post.  Wearing the nappy headed look at any time I don't like.  I keep a few hair pieces, wigs, whatever stashed to keep up a nominal style.  I really don't like anything elaborate just plain and simple old fashioned styles like bobs, straight length with a little flair, soft curls.  If all else fails I wash and condition my real hair and wear it wet.  Thanks to my Cherokee Indian roots it is normally straight when it is wet.  In my younger days it was really pretty curly when it was wet.  I landed a man for thirteen years the first time I got ready for a date and came down dressed from the shower with my hair still wet.  It blew his mind.  My skin was flushed red too.I had just finished a hot shower and hurried to get ready because he had shown up early.  I wish I could have put some of the men I dropped for his fine behind on lay-a-way.  Youthful skin and youthful hair is a blessing but no doubt as we age we have to change as our resilience in our hair and skin change.  Take those lemons and make lemonade.

Now those who have read my blog for any number of times normally know I stray from talking about folks.  And of course I won't name names because you see people on the street who apply and I definitely wouldn't want to open the door to someone approaching me and getting into a verbal match.  My daddy taught me to fight with words.  My grandma taught me to fear no one but God.   I had at minimum eighteen years of sparring practice with my brothers on the art of defending self.  I can let my hair down!  If I bought it or if it was given to me it is still mine.

It's okay to go natural but it is even more okay to go natural beautifully.  Personally, I think it is a disgrace to wear a hairstyle in purporting to be natural and look a hot mess.  You are not representing my heritage.  My female ancestors kept their hair well groomed.  They were quick to say "go fix your hair".  I would sometimes start pouting and say "I'm not going nowhere."  And they would reply "you ain't got to be going nowhere I got to look at you."  It gets my gall when the same nappy headed folks tell guys they need to pull their pants up (which I don't agree with either my grandma used to pull guys pants all the way down when they used to come visit my brother with their pants hanging down) they should be telling them go comb their hair.

I wore an Afro during my senior year in high school.  I first got my hair cut into an Afro style in the 10th grade to the dismay of my high school sweetheart.

I washed my hair regularly.  I conditioned it to a point where it was soft to touch.  My hair was well moisturized.  I kept it picked out.  I carried a pick with me.  A nice even look.  Never would I have by style worn my hair at varying levels like I didn't have time to take and get it shaped up.

During times before shaping I would wash it, set it on rollers, and then pick it out and even it up as much as possible.  The curls looked soft.  If it ever got to a point where I didn't really like how it looked I would do two Pocahontas type braids.  One braid on each side of my head. My favorite style of all time was just pulling my hair back into one ponytail.

Fast forward over the years I have worn Afro styles.  Mainly when my hair was very short.  The shorter my hair the finer the curls.  I learned this from my eldest child.  The lower she cut her hair the less primping she had to do.  She just put mouse on it and went.  When I learned that I did it for a long while.

Admittedly there are times when dealing with a hairstyle from day to day can be very challenging.  But it is a challenge that definitely needs to get met.  I think it is a disgrace to compliment someone on their hair just because they are wearing it naturally when it looks a hot mess.  Just because they are wearing their hair natural doesn't make it beautiful.  What makes hair beautiful is taking pride in it and making the best of your hair no matter how you decide to wear it.  The nappy headed look is a hard look.

During my younger days I used to braid and keep a lot of Afro's for neighbors and friends.  If you have really nappy hair it is best to wash your hair and condition it with a top quality hair products.  However, just basic soap and water will do too.  Use petroleum jelly to keep it up if you don't anything else.  Proper moisture is key.  Then take the time to braid up your hair while it is wet.  Leave your hair braided for at least over night and and then comb or pick it out into a fro. Keep your hair looking the best it can at all times.  Especially when you step out in public. 

One of the oldest tools in the world is the comb.  Use it!  Wear your natural hair beautifully!

This is just food for thought and the treating is on me.

God is So Good...Everyday has More Good than Bad

Sometimes we have to indirectly bare the burdens of what others go through.  I remember years ago when I was working for a particular woman.  She was going through a whole lot of personal issues.  She lost her driver's license.  She and her husband were having issues.  She had a sick child.  She was pretending to own a home to look better to her co-workers and peers when she was actually renting.  She was losing her hair and was wearing a weave and would get angry with anyone who mentioned to her one of her tracks were showing. 

Well because of the Administrative position I was in I had to bare the brunt of a whole lot of unwarranted abuse.  I didn't realize until after I left that place of employment.  I was definitely not going to stay around and tolerate that type of abuse when I was coming in on time.  Leaving work on time.  Working more time than scheduled to make sure things were getting done and was being totally unappreciated because of what she was suffering in her personal life.

It wasn't actually until after I left and was on my next job that a mutual friend, one of her clients, let me know the woman had gotten a divorce.  She had asked why did I leave the job I was at because she never imagined me leaving.  I told her I just couldn't take no more.  I told her the reason was not that I didn't like what I was doing but I didn't like how I was being treated.

The lady who was one of my direct reports because I had several undermined everything I was doing and made sure either her or someone else received the credit.  I didn't mind that but what I did mind was the personal attacks against me.  I sort of felt a way about someone who couldn't manage their own self managing me.  I also felt it wasn't my place to say anything.  I really felt upper management knew what was going on but didn't say anything because of the personal relationship she had built with them.

My friend went on to tell me she was now divorced.  I was floored because I didn't have a clue.  They were fronting like they were going to church every Sunday.  They were fronting like they had the ideal family and everyone else was beneath them.  In actually they were just using it as a guise to cause havoc in other folks life.

I came from a different generation of folk.  I came from a generation were people who you worked with worked together.  I come from a generation of folk where people were more down to earth.  As people moved up and acquired new skills they shared with others.  So moving on was at the time I felt one of the best things I could do.

Well sometimes when we look back and wonder why we are going through stuff.  It is no fault of our own but because of the insecurity of others.  I just pray to the Lord he keeps me grounded and lift me up to be a keeper of his word.  To treat others as I would like to be treated.  To handle those  who mistreat with a long arm not of distance but of understanding to give them the room they need to grow.

Never again will I let the actions of others impact or control my decisions.  One important thing I learned is I can't change people.  No matter what I wouldn't have been able to change someone who doesn't even realize they need changing.

There are always going to be people who try and escalate everything you do into drama to keep the limelight off of them.  It is something I've seen over and over again through the years.  My goal always is to stay focused and do the right thing and not to let the drama be my karma.

God is good everyday because he provides us the understanding we need and clearer insight into situations by us just stumbling upon someone or something to help lighten our way.  As the gospel goes "As Long As I have Friend Jesus..."

It is amazing how the things from our past prepare us for our future seasons.  When I stop and reflect over how much I've gone through and how it played out in the end.  All I can say is God is good every day.  There is a reason for every season and sometimes we don't get the lesson until the season is over.  Those rainy seasons aren't a complete washout but provide the watering necessary for us to bloom time and time again. 

As with flowers their are going to be some dogs to come along and lift their hind leg and piss on you.  But as a flower you still grow.  All the dog is really doing is adding a little extra fertilizer and in the end no one may even ever know a dog stopped and took the time to piss on you when you are beautiful and bright.

Priceless: Good Programming on Prime Time Television

Circa a decade or so ago there was a common complaint I heard in several circles:  "there's nothing to watch on television".  I haven't heard that in so long I don't even recall the last time I heard it.  I've been too busy enjoying the variety of programming available on television now.

I think it began back with "Survivor".  I remember when that reality show came on it drew people to the television set to watch each week.  Even if it has slipped a little in popularity with me, there are other shows which have cropped up which have drawn huge crowds.

Coincidentally I even remember when watching politics on television was considered "boring".  As we've seen during the last two election campaigns and election night politics even gets viewers.  The past lack of interest and flipping through the channels praying something else was on worth watching migrated to a point to having one of the largest audiences ever.

One of the most fortunate things for me is that the television programming and staging now is so good the complaint has gone to the level the shows are just not on long enough.  I could easily watch an two episode of the "The Apprentice" every week.  I could watch "Scandal" every night like I used to watch the soap operas after school every day back in the late 70's early 80's.  Anyone remember those days will probably recall we had some really good programming back then.

Whatever has brought on the current state of all this great programming kudos goes out to you a hundred fold.  Even though I have DISH Network I stay back in my room a lot watching my set with just the basic prime time channels.  Good programming on channels you don't even have to pay for to watch in this day and age - PRICELESS!

 #TELEVISION