Happy New Year Everyone!



Me and the boss!

 Well, I made it.  I finished out the year with a new position.  I'm glad I made it through.  After being mainly self-employed for the past seven years except for a couple of temporary gigs it was a real challenge.  Working was a challenge within itself.  No two hour lunches, no going into work until I felt like it, no taking off just because.  Gainful employment is worlds apart from self-employment.

Now there is a cause for celebration.  It is the last working day of the calendar year.  And for me it seems to be a milestone within itself.  All you totally self-employed people out there my hats off to you.  Those who are doing it and holding down a full-time job as myself, my hats really go off to you guys.  Its tough.  But well worth it intrinsically if not as financial rewarding as you would like it to be.  And for those who are really doing the dang thang congrats.

2013 here we come!  It just feels good to write that.  All this last day energy carry me forward and stay with me for the new year!  I need it and then some.

Make 2013 a banner year.  It will be the start of the year which will earmark the rest of your life.  Make the best of it. 

 

 My oldest grandchild (the boss) doesn't want me bring in my New Year's at Church.  I will go and pick her up and take her along.  It would please her more.  I saw last year someone else had brung a child to Watch Night service.  Seeing her grown into a young lady just reminds me of how the years do fly by.  Time is too precious to waste we need to make the best of every moment.

For those of you I dearly love I love you even more.  I plan to spend Watch Night at Church.  It is the Church where my great grandmother, great grandfather, grandfather, grandfather, all ushered.  I'll always consider it my home church.  I like to spend Watch Night in remembrance of my roots and praise God for all he brought them through and all he has done for me along my journey in life.  God is the great I am.  And thank him for all the blessings to come.  If I don't go to church all year I go to Watch Night service.  I start the year off right.  As always, what I do from then on is up to me.  God never fails. 

Afterwards, I'm heading over to the Ted Constant Convocation Center for the Watch Party there.  Hopefully it will still be in full swing.  If its free its for me!

Happy New Year.  Some of my goals for the new year are not outside the ordinary but I plan to make the year extraoridnary!

My grandma (photo on the wall) and my granddaughter in this picutre!

My granddaughter is a sweetheart! 

No Social Media Campaign - Do You Exist?

Well not too long ago I wrote about companies who pay good money for websites which rank very poorly.  I am happy to report a couple of company websites I had looked at now at least rank on some search engine ranking sites.  Since I feel embarrassed enough for them there really is no need to mention their name.

Now I have a second challenge.  The online world seems to be driven by social media.  The websites which get the most interest are the ones who seem to run the best social media campaigns.  Of course except the really big ones which have a world all their own.

My challenge to the non-social websites is to try and incorporate social media into your flow.  One of the first things I look for on a website I like nowadays is to see if they have a FACEBOOK or Twitter icon.  I want to see how they are connecting with other online folks.

I was thrilled when I had an opportunity to be followed by a major football team recently.  You best believe I went for it.  It's the team I predict to win the super bowl.  How awesome is that.  I'll save the bragging rights to that milestone for a later day.  But I will tell you they have an awesome social media front incorporated into their website.

Well I was always taught to not talk about folks if you can't do anything to help them.  Here is the help I'm offering.  There are videos and how-to's all over the web on social media.  There are tutorials on adding an icon, creating a landing page on FACEBOOK.  Additionally, if all else fails go find a Generation X person and ask them to lead your social media campaign.  I'm sure your webmaster would be happy to add a hyperlink for prospective, current, and past clients to see what your company is up to.

Don't believe me?  Just go Google your competitors, business partners, associations, guy next door (lol) and click thru to their website, FACEBOOK, and Twitter pages.  I'm sure you may agree they make it look easy.  Do you see the number of people have are following, liked, or subscribed to their social media campaigns.  Real live breathing prospects some of them?

Get social.  I don't mean stand around and talk to folks you already know and communicate with every day.  By get social I mean meet new folks.  See what folks think about your brand near and far.  Get ideas on what people are really looking for with your type of business.

At What Point Will You Realize?

I'm about to get on my bandwagon.  So if you don't want to ride it is safest to get off now.

We all reach those moments in our life (or at least I hope so) when we come to the inevitable conclusion that something doesn't work for us and let it go.  You know like those friends who you love dearly but you have grown up and grown apart.

One thing I find particularly amusing.  I'm not one who likes to tell people what to do.  I like for them to reach conclusions on their own so they can "own" their decision.

Well, unfortunately I wish I knew some of those people I see with breathalyzers in their car.  You know the gadgets they have to blow into before their car will start.

Recently I was talking with a buddy of mine.  He was sharing a story with me about a woman who he may or may not be intimate with.  I didn't ask.  I felt sorry for him that he has to have friends of that caliber.  On second thought I sure as heck he is getting something other than drama.  He told me when she comes to visit she can't leave.  Or course I inquired.  It is unlike his character to entertain overnight.  I always looked at him as a very focused success driven individual.  When they go out and have a few drinks, she has to sober up to be able to blow into the gadget in her car for her car to start.  TMI (too much information)?  Yes!

Well, that made me recollect a story a family member was sharing with me recently about a man who is undergoing the same type situation.  They go places and it is his car and she doesn't drive so either if he drinks too much or drinks at all the car won't start.  Or he can't take the risk of trying to start it based on the consequences he'll face.

Folks, is it just me or does alcohol have some magical ingredient I somehow missed.  Now I have drank a glass of wine of occasion.  I was 32 when I drank my first alcoholic beverage.  No let me take that back, I was much older I was around 30 when I went to a club for my mother's 50th birthday party.  I wasn't a drinker so I didn't drink at all that night.  I've had a few drinks or two since that time.

My underlying inner thought, since apparently all they needed was definitely a listening ear was at what point do you realize you need to just stop drinking?  To get to that point they must have been behind the wheel of a vehicle drunk driving.

I will admit the stories of how law enforcement was able to determine they were intoxicated were really.  So funny I don't remember enough of the details to recall it.  I was laughing uncontrollably.

I'm sure there are things people get really perturb about that I do.  Admittedly I eat a little too much, exercise way too less, and put on too much weight.  Maybe I should be charged with a task like having to exercise twenty minutes before my debit card would work for me able to be able to buy dinner.  I want to lose weight.  Maybe that's the difference.  These folks apparently just don't want to stop drinking.

Acknowledge it and move on.

We Used to Play Pretend

My age is really beginning to show.  I remember days before Christmas we would often times pretend how we were going to be on Christmas Day once we opened our gifts.  How we would act excited if we saw a gift we weren't supposed to see before Christmas.  How if Santa was real we would pretend we were sleep so he wouldn't put coal in our eyes.

We knew the lists we had given to Santa.  We used to exchange stories as to how Santa would get in the house to deliver our gifts and place them under the Christmas tree since we lived in a two-story home with no chimney.

The excitement, expectation, and joy with the thought of things to come would make the festivities more exciting.  We would verbally exchange our wish lists freely with our friends and family.

I'm not being bah hum bug but a conversation I had with a child I was reading to as an act of kindness earlier today made me stop and wonder were did all the excitement go?  It made me come to the conclusion that children don't take the time to pretend anymore.

She was being tasked to read a book.  I told her to make reading more exciting by bringing the book to life.  Read with excitement and imagine or pretend she was reading to a classroom full of students with her being the teacher.

Well, I ended up reading the book to her.  Thankfully, it was a Dora The Explorer book written in the pattern of familiar nursery rhymes.

I shared with her to spark her interest in reading, if she seeks out books along her interests it will appeal to her more.  I went on to share with her my oldest daughter used to like rap artists so I purchased her magazines with her favorite artists and she pasted their posters all over her room walls.  She kept up to date on all the hip hop news.  The underlying blessing was that the more magazines she received the more she read.  Oh she can tell you the history of a lot of music artists.  Who they married.  How many times they were married.  How they got their start.  It created dialogue. 

My son, well he loved cartoons.  He would be the first one up every Saturday morning to watch cartoons.  Thus, I would buy him comic books.  He really liked the super heroes.  He couldn't wait to read the latest comic books and share the stories of the super heroes with me.  National Geographic was his favorite television program.  Often when I walked past his room if he wasn't playing a video game he was watching National Geographic.  In fact, he watched it to the point to where it was nauseating.  Thus, I bought him National Geographic magazines.  Years later I could tell what interested him most was the scientific aspect of what was happening on the show and what was being read in the books. 

My youngest daughter was more eccentric.  She liked reading materials from medieval times.  Those where the types of shows and cartoons she enjoyed watching as well.  But it made her a literary genius.  The child scored in the top 2% on national literary tests.  She ended up receiving a mad number of scholarship offers even though she didn't take any.  She receive monetary scholarships for her trade, interior decorating.  She would always tell us she was going to Paris France for college to be a fashion designer.  She lived in readings.

Where In Time Is Carmen San Diego was the computer software that made them leave the t.v.'s, games, and computers in their own room to congregate and compete against each other at the computer in the kitchen.  They used to joke me that there was a computer in every room other than the bathroom.  It required them to at least read the screen.  A lot of times on a whim they would get on a computer because it was there.  I had the computers loaded with academically inclined games and software to spark their imagination and promoted creativity.

Children need something to believe in.  As parents, it is our duty to support the interest of our children as much as possible.  Something things are easy.  It may just take a little pretend on our parts to help our children realize their dreams and opportunities.  Of course, we can lead a horse to water and we can't make them drink.  Wasted potential is a casualty of many situations.

I was just thinking today, wouldn't it be nice to be able to have some type of technology or stat report to look at to see how much of what I would always express to my children hit the walls or if they actually internalized it.  My guess would be a lot of mothers would love to see that solved right in line with the common cold.

I remember many days when my grandmother would tell me I'm not talking to the walls I'm talking to you.  She would always accuse me of daydreaming.  Then I would start dreaming (if I wasn't already) to be grown living my own fabulous life.  Pretending got me through a lot of nagging sessions with the foresight that one day I would be grown and on my own.

My other acts of kindness will probably include my taking her with me to show her reading has a purpose in life.  I'll let her write all the sticky notes.  I wonder does she like to write?  It'll probably be too much like work as well.

Oh well,  happy holidays.  Don't bite off more than you can chew.  Be kind, even if it is play-play.  Now if you know the terminology "play-play" you're probably just as old as me.  lol

I've been nice all year!

Hey Santa I've been nice all year!  I know it is the time of year when you are looking over the who's been naughty and who's been nice list twice.  Look over my efforts very carefully.

As you look over that list I'm sure you will agree it has been one of the best years in the last seven years for me.  I came out of my shell. 

I've communicated more with my adult children than I have in recent years.  I've been getting hugs and kisses and I love you mommy from my oldest two a whole lot lately.

My youngest child, well she lives with me along with her family.  I've been very nice.  I come home and I go back to my room.  I play my online games and I don't bother a soul.  Thankfully I've been so nice I got a laptop from a friend the screen on my baby (laptop) was fading away.  So you can cross laptop off my list for my being goo. 

I've gotten a new coat, new boots, new something extras, so I'm good with gifts.  Because I've been so nice I've been showered with gifts all year long.  Prayers go up to the most high blessing come showering down.  Of course, especially when you're nice.

I am writing to say thank you Santa for all the gifts and gifts to come.  I'll have cookies and milk by the live tree.  See I felt I deserved a live tree this year because I've been so nice.  A live tree helps to keep up the momentum.  The scent is invigorating and encourages me and the kids to continually to be nice. 

Oh by the way, I hope we use the same measuring stick when it comes what nice really is.  Well, I'm judging not that I be not judged.  I'm believing.
Happy Holidays!

Your friend Lynne

How Tragic: Unspeakable Pain!

My heart and prayers go out to the victims, families, and friends, of the Newtown, Connecticut school shooting.
 

My heart goes out to the victims of Newtown, Connecticut and their families. A terrible, horrendous, unspeakable tragedy causing unspeakable pain.

Lord I pray these families are covered with the peace to make it through this difficult and trying time.  A senseless tragedy that cost the lives of the world's most innocent citizens.  They were so young and had so much more to look forward to.  Heal the hearts of their friends and playmates whose young lives will for ever more be impacted by the day a gun man shattered their innocence.  Let your peace, mercy, and grace cover them and surround them in the seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years to come.
The grief these families are suffering is unimaginable.  How do you go and love after a time as horrific as this?  An incident like this tears at the heart strings of so many.   This is an event a great majority of the world will need to heal from.  It is one incident grown men don't even want to discuss because of how deep the pain hits.

As the President stated when expressing his condolences, an excerpt from the New King James Version of the bible,  Psalm 147: "He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds."   Yes our hearts are broken.

It's hard not to feel bitterness, pain, helplessness after an event of this magnitude.  Below is a gospel song I heard on the radio one day on the way to work.  Thankfully I was able to find it on YouTube.  I listen to it any time I am feeling down due to circumstances outside of my control.  It is important to keep loving no matter how tough things get.  Bitterness can consume the soul if you let it.  There is no testimony without a test.  Unfortunately, with some tests it feels like you've been thrown through the fire.  However, Yet Love!  Without a doubt it's easier said than done.

You Can't Fix Ugly

The holiday seasons are upon us.  People are losing weight, sending out invites, not inviting others.

You can lose all the weight you want.  But you can't fix ugly.  Most people who read this probably think I mean you can't fix ugly when it comes to appearance.  No I mean you apparently can't fix ugly sometimes when it comes to your actions.

Some people's ill ways are so much a part of them they cannot be fixed.  You know the ones who instead of spreading joy during the holiday season spread hate, discord, and discontent.  Those scrooges who invite certain people to functions and exclude others.  Those who have a email list for a group of folks in the same arena and choose to leave some folks off.

Most of the time those who don't make the list are the ones who they fear will out shine them.  If you are one of the ones who are omitted from the invite list or email list just know that our God is all knowing.  And if you had nothing else to be thankful for on Thanksgiving (even though I am sure anyone who is reading this has a lot to be thankful for) be thankful you don't have to account for the actions of others.

The only list I know personally I live my life to make is the list to be pleasing in God's sight.  I don't believe in exclusion.  I treat all people according to the content of their character.  I can deal with characters too.  Especially those who are smug enough to think they have the upper hand when doing wrong or misdeeds.  I want my character to be one groomed for the upper room.  I don't have to exclude anyone.  I don't believe in ascertaining "conflict of interest" to make others look they have an issue when it is really you who have an issue.

I remember when my ex had a profession which made him mean as a rattlesnake.  I told him it was either me or the job.  Thankfully the Lord had prepared our way so we could live off one income.  My income at the time was sufficient enough to pay the household bills and both car payments.  He didn't have an issue with telling folks my wife takes good care of me.  He took excellent care of me in all the ways that mattered.  He had a circle.  Either you were in or you weren't.  He didn't give a care about anyone outside of his circle.

The only circle I know is love.  One pastor summed it up like the ring that signifies a bond it has no beginning or no end.  I was taught to not kiss butt.  However, I was also taught to love everyone no matter what.  When you dislike someone they dislike you more my grandmother would always tell me.  So I learned to get out of the habit of likes and dislikes because as a child I would wear it out at times.

I remember when I was gainfully employed over 15 years ago now I told one co-worker that I did not like someone else who worked at the same location.  She immediately told me never to say who I like or don't like in a work environment.  Today, I don't even remember who it was I disliked.

For me I realized a long time ago it takes too much away from me as a person to dwell on my emotions.  I can't control the actions of others.  The best way to handle folks who act like characters is to just leave them alone.  Apparently they get their jollies off of just being annoying. 

How some days I do wish people would realize when they live life through their emotions it makes them appear desperate.

During the holiday season it seems some people feel compelled to make small talk.  Why would you want to make small talk with someone who you exclude or who excludes you from selectively.  Those type of people I wish wouldn't say anything at all to me.  Trust and believe I don't go out of my way to say anything at all to them.

I don't bother people.  Especially ill will folks.  Nobody needs you to try and pacify them.  You need to look at the person in the mirror.

Anyone who knows me knows I keep it real.  I don't like phony folks.  I don't like folks who go around spreading hate, discord, and discontent in the guise of spreading cheer and act like you are superior to exclude folks selectively and think they are going to show up to events with your approval.  You don't run me.

If you don't like what I write in my blog, don't read it.  This is one obligation you do not have.

I put God first in all I do.  There is hardly anything I can recall doing where I didn't pray first or there wasn't some type of divine intervention involved.  I love my children.  There are other folks I love as well.  I know unselfish and unconditional love.   Your ill feelings or actions toward me or others because of their relationship with me are your own issues.  I don't bother no one so I know I haven't done anything to you.

As long as I can stand in the love of the holy father who has been all amazing and magnificent to me, I don't need to be a part of your twisted thought out circle.  I seek divine approval.


I stay clear of people who act in desperation.  I was always taught desperate people will hurt you.  Once I have seen too many people being hurt by the antics of someone I have enough sense to keep my distance.   Especially when someone does it to people they call their friends I know what they are capable of trying to do to me and I'm not their friend nor do I want to be their friend.

I don't use the term friend wisely.  My friend bank consists of "true friends".  There is a big difference.  One worth learning.

You can't fix ugly.  Your aura speaks volumes.

A Problem I'm Glad to Have!

When my children were in school I use to always reward them monetarily for each "A" they received.  In fact, I gave them money based on a sliding scale from A's to B's.  Well now they have two children a piece.

Now I have a perplexing problem.  I can't afford to pay them based on each "A".  One made straight A's.  Another one hit it with one B and the grades went a little down from there but overall with six grandchildren (each of my children has two children) I can't afford to pay out based on A's.  How glad I am I didn't offer the same pay scale to them. This is divine intervention working at its best. 

I'm just hopeful with all the great sales this weekend I am able to find them something of quality that will suffice as a reward that will help to encourage them to keep up the great work.  And for those grades which were not so hot, they definitely have the aptitude and can get it in.  They got other awards as well like for perfect attendance.  They are keeping up with a tradition.  My oldest daughter missed maybe one day of school in throughout her whole school year combined.  But she missed almost every day of class her freshman year in college.  Oh well, she's finally started back and I hope and pray she musters the strength to do it to the maximum.

Well I am proud Grandma. Being a Grandma is likened to reliving everything I went through with my own children; however, this time around I can do it with a smile on my face.  No staying up late all night to assist with projects, no calling off spelling words for spelling tests, no calling off timetables.

Since they all like getting together and creating a whole lot of noise.  Oh yes we are going to celebrate at Grandma's place.  Pizza (which causes Grandma Heartburn), Menu is easy, cake (which adds to the area which was once Grandma's waistline), and Ice Cream (to drive Grandma up the wall once all the sugar gets in the young scholars' systems).   Now is just no time to do the healthy food thing.  Well in support of all the healthy kid initiatives I will offer fruit and vegetables as finger food.  I want to keep the adrenaline flowing for more A's.

Love them babies!  Kisses, kisses, and more kisses to each and every one of my dear smart hearts we are on the A train!    I got it too easy because my effort consists of the total sum this quarter of just getting them together to celebrate their accomplishments.  Go Lynne's Grandchildren!  Grandma thinks you guys are truly grand!  I know you think I'm crazy but what are fun Grandma's for?

Yes.  I do have two grandchildren who read my blog.  Let them read all their young hearts desire.  You girls are outstanding.  The guys rock too! Kudos, kudos, kudos!!!  I love each and everyone!

Grandma Lynne's house where the only rule is for the grandchildren is to party like its 1999.  Two birds with one stone, let me get out the invites to them now, Christmas Tree decorating party at Grandma's. 

Don't End Up with A Hot Mess

Oh my goodness!  It's ranting time.  I was just thinking this evening when someone inquired about my services.  Well, my best words of advice are:  "Don't end up with a hot mess." 

Too often lately I've seen where companies have opted to utilize the services of firms which apparently have more of the fluff they are looking for.  As we all know everything that glitters is not gold. 

My years of "functional" experience speaks very loudly and clearly.  If you already have a mess why add more junk to the pile? 

If you pay for the services of a top computer related services company make sure what you are being served is not a pound of balogna.  But unfortunately you may be unaware.

One company I offered my services to.  Mind you me a very rare undertaking anyone who knows me knows I don't offer verbally to do much often.  I'm normally kept busy with others who feel they need my services.  Thankfully, things normally work themselves out.

Get back to the hot mess.  A company who was ranked very well locally and nationally hired a firm to redesign their website.  Well, now they are not ranked at all.  Do I call them up and say, hey I told you so.  I did include in my presentation not to opt for a product that was graphic based.  Did they listen to me?  No.

Well the other needless thing to say I can tell their capture rate has dropped to a third of about what it used to be.  The competition is blowing them out the water.  I imagine my price would have been about 10% of what they paid for a phenomenal amount of more capture.

My advice:  If you have hire a web design company check your ranking before, during, and after deployment of your new website.  Make sure if you are paying them to maintain it you keep tabs of what they are actually maintaining.  If they set the site up so that it is user friendly enough for you to maintain.  Make sure you make an effort to keep it fresh.  When you stop keeping it fresh you'll end up with a hot mess as well.  Don't set it and forget.  Nurture it and keep it growing.

Your site is what you make it.

Lynne Ruffin
T/A Web Styles
Owner/Operator
Norfolk, Virginia  23509
www.Web-Styles.com
Phone:  (757) 542-5108
Email:  Lynne@Webstyles.com

Lose Yourself Locally

I had a real treat last evening.  The fine dining experience I had last night at Ruth Chris in Virginia Beach, Virginia was one I thoroughly enjoyed.

Okay my buddy cancelled on our plans to go to the Redskins Dallas game the end of December.  Well, I said as a constellation I wanted to go to Ruth Chris. I had heard about how nice the restaurant was from other colleagues. However, I had never been.

Well when opportunity presented itself, not at my expense, I thought that's where I want to go.  I am so glad I did.

The Porterhouse Steak for two was in my opinion awesome.  It came served on a 520 degree hot plate.  We were forewarned not to touch.  We had scalloped potatoes, asparagus, an appetizer.

Delicious?  Yes. 

Oh I can add. Next, a trip to Jamaica in January, yes.  I'll be missing the game of the decade.  I need a before and after to soften the blow of being let down.

Happy Halloween!

The Simple Things Excite Me!

When I think back over last week it reminds me of one of the things that brought the biggest smile to my face.  I had read a while ago about how some vending machines were now accepting cards as payment.  Finally I was able to use mine to buy a bottle of water.

I was so excited when one day I went to the Vending Machine and the "Cash Only" was swapped out to a message to something like "Swipe Card For Payment". 

See I'm old school.  I remember the days when we used to have to buy something to get change to use change in the bubble gum machines.  What a long way times have come. 

Now don't let the vending machine folks get so fancy where they allow for parents to swipe at the bubble gum machine.  Could you imagine?  Mom telling a child I don't have any change.  We all know if the children can figure out the machine will take a swipe.  Moms will probably hear well you have money on your card, you can swipe.  OMG!  I'm glad my baby is 26. 

As times change we may have to change with them.  I can forsee a future where they eliminate a vending machine attendant not having to restock cash or change.  Who doesn't at least have a debit card?  Especially in a building where everyone works.  For safety and security reasons I can see this being a big plus.

Big ups to the visionaries.  No additional fees incurred for swiping.  No need to carry cash.  Let's face it the cash we carry nowadays ends up going to the person standing outside the store asking for money.  One guy gave me a sob story the other day as I was getting cash out the ATM and it touched me so I gave him $10.

The less I carry cash the better. 

When you entertain a fool...

Ever hear the phrase "when you entertain a fool you become foolish."  Well I was sort of reminded of it this week.

Why would someone back down during one of the most challenging periods in their life?  Why would someone who so eloquently speaks and gets their point across during so many major events get hung up on words.

Sometimes it is apparent to argue with a fool you yourself become foolish.  I applaud an orator who can stand down during a heated debate when the other person uses their words to cut their own throat.

How would a leader look going toe-to-toe with someone who is bullying the conversation.

Sometimes people choose their battles wisely.  A smart person realizes they may lose some battles the ultimate is whether or not they lose the war.

The next month will probably be heated with division of  interests.  I encourage everyone to realize its not how you win that is important its how you play the game.

Game on!  I hope I will be updating this blog with why sometimes no fight at all leads to a win.  Sometimes you got to learn to just stand.

Am I Ready to Be a Wife?

I've seen a few questions or statements relating to whether or not someone is ready to be a wife on FACEBOOK this week.  I know deep down inside I am not ready to be a wife.

I love men.  I would love to have the companionship of having someone to cook for, someone to clean for, someone to spend time with, someone to fall asleep next to, someone to wake up beside.  All the good stuff which comes with companionship and relationship.  I would definitely want someone strong enough to let me take on the old traditional role as a woman and he as a man.  Especially considering I was raised by my grandparents.  A generation where they stuck together, never once did you hear the word "divorce" no matter how mad they got at each other.  They didn't cop out they learned to cope.   No matter what went on outside the home they were always respectful and mindful of each other in the home.  They knew how to be husband and wife.

The big drawback as far as me considering myself as wife material is I'm not ready for just any relationship.  As the song lyrics go "I Can't Let Just Anybody on Top of Me" rings very true for me.  The one thing I am very picky about is my man.  It sort of reminds me of a picky eater.  Someone who picks at everything on their plate.  If you know a picky eater they don't like this and they don't like that.  The food has to look a certain way, it has to smell a certain way, it has to have a certain flavor to it, it has to sit right with their digestive system, it can't be too dark, it can't be too light, it can't be too sour, it can't be too sweet, it can't be overcooked, it can't be undercooked.  Even with some picky eaters, especially with vegetables they have to be "in season."  Yes I know a picky eater or two.

It seems the older I get the more pickier I get about men.  Now when it comes to food the older I get the more of a variety I like.  I've never been a picky eater because I was raised by a country cook.  I used to eating a myriad of foods.  However, with men, I do realize it should be less picky at my age.  Knowing the market is not ripe for 48 year old black women which seems to be one of the hottest topics on the web all the time.  Some days I wonder why does the media portray black women like we have no options for men because they feel there is a disproportionate number of black women not in relationships.

Brace yourself for this next analogy.  Truth be known, I liken my pick for my next mate like I do when I go to a superstore that has samples of food out for you to try before you purchase a new product.  I want a sample.  I don't want to buy something I can't have a taste of first.  And just like when I go those superstores (which is not often nowadays I buy more single than bulk).  I'm not going to ask for a sample I want it to be offered.  If it is something I know I don't want to sample I want to be able to say "no thanks" pleasantly and keep it moving.  If I sample and it is not to my liking I don't want to buy it and take it home. 

Now getting back to reality.  My daughter tells me all the time she is a realist and in other words, she feels I'm not.  I'm trying to keep this as PG as possible because my granddaughters sometimes read my blog posts too.

And mentioning offspring that brings a whole different element of relationships into the game.  It's hard connecting with someone your children and grandchildren don't like.  I've found that small children are a very good judge of character.  Also, it doesn't take them long to figure out time your spending time with someone else is less time you have to spend with them.

Now when they get older in their teens and early adult years the reasons tend to be even more selfish.  They don't want mom spreading her time and energy too thin.  They need momma available for all the "momma do this" and "momma do that moments".  They are quick to let you know when someone from the outside is "in the way".  I sometimes feel like I birthed three CEO's and I'm their personal secretary.  Don't let me screw up, they are quick to say "get it right next time lady!"  Or "what were you thinking?"  They are by far my biggest critics.  I've been through a blended marriage before.  I don't want to suffer the trials and tribulations I suffered in the past.  At least not knowingly.

If there are children and/or grandchildren on the other side and the ex-half doesn't want anything to do with me for no reason at all other than they are miserable with themselves.  I say run don't walk.  How can you blend being at odds with anyone in a critical role in your stepchildren lives.  Men get along with the ex-husband why can't women get along with the ex-wife?  



Heck, I even remember reading excerpts out of T. D. Jake's book "God's Leading Lady" years ago.  Which before I were to get married again I would read from cover to cover. 

I hold no resentment at all towards any man so much that it would interfere with my relationship with a man in the future.  One day in the future I would like to be married again.  Right now today I have too much on my plate to even think about companionship, relationship, or just getting together.

I'm going to a comedy show up in Richmond tonight alone.  Now I would really like to have someone accompany me but I don't have time for no drama.  I would like to be able to relax and have a drink but I can't drink and drive.  It's been two years since I've had a drink because I mainly go places by myself.

The past week has been one of those weeks when too many people showed interest in my being single.  I'm single because I choose to be.  I don't think I'm so unattractive I can't get a man.  At this stage in my life I don't want a hit and miss I want a home run. 

 Am I ready to be a wife?  No I don't see it happening today!

My Daughter's Blog

Well I had someone sarcastically remarking "Diary of  A Mad Black Woman" when referencing my blog.   Fortunately, there's a new blogger in town with a younger and fresher perspective on life.  I feel the blog writings are full of personality.

If you have a child then I'm sure you can relate to there comes a lot of instances when they "first" did a myriad of things.  The first time they drink from a bottle, the first time they cooed (oh so cute), the first time they hold their head up, the first time they crawl, the first time they take a step, the first time they go to day care.  The first time they go to school.  Life is full of firsts. 

Well fast forward twenty plus years and as a mother I still count the firsts.  In recent months it was the first time my baby girl wrote a blog post.  I am proud to say I am one of the first to subscribe to it. 

I do admit her blog posts have a whole lot more personality to them than my own.  I hope it sticks with her.  I remember her first literary masterpiece which was Women Warriors.  Someone stole her idea and made a cartoon out of it (and it made it to television is how we found out).  They didn't even change the names of the characters from her original masterpiece.

Well, of course I'm including a link to her blog.  It's http://laurenmcclain713.blogspot.com/. 

Oh and by the way I have always jokingly told Lauren she fell in love with her voice the first time she cooed and hasn't shut up since.

I hope you get a chance to read her blog and leave her a few words of encouragement.  Enjoy!

Signed: 

Proud Momma!

Lynne Ruffin

Rich Man Where Are You? I Want A Rich Man!

Yes I could handle having a rich man.  You may be thinking from reading the title I want a rich man in terms of money.  No let me assure you even though that would be really, really nice I am speaking of a man who is rich in qualities, characteristics, and other areas money cannot buy.

I want a man who is rich in warmth.  I want a man whose spirit can help to fuel my fire without either one of us getting burnt.  One who is loving, caring, and kind and not afraid to show it.  I like warmth both physically and emotionally.

I want a man who is rich in discipline.  A man who has self-control and knows how to maintain it.

I want a man who is rich in his outpouring of deeds to others.  A man who can give of himself not only to uplift me but to uplift others by sharing his talents, strengths, and abilities.

I want a man who is rich in humility.  I don't want a man whose male pride gets in the way.  I want a man who I can help reach new heights and levels more than he can receive.  I want a man who doesn't have to be on guard against us building upon a stronger foundation together for better tomorrows.

I want a man who is rich in intellect.  A man who is financially savvy, business savvy, and has a little street smarts.

I want a man who is rich in saying "how are you", "how was your day", "let me know what's going on with you".  One who is rich in showing he is caring and understands me in so many ways.

I want a man who is rich in communication.  Communication is key in most any relationship and I want a man who is rich in getting his point across.  A man who can let me know we need to turn right instead of going to the left in our relationship.  Someone who can say everything is good when it is and say we need to fix this when our relationship needs mending.  One who doesn't go and complain to his best friend but lets me be his best friend.

I want a man who is rich in his love for his family.  A man who knows a man's place is to be the king of his kingdom.  A man who realizes love is not about control it is about maintaining control.

I want a man who is rich in giving and taking.  I am a giver and I want a man who is receptive to receiving.  A gentleman by nature who doesn't take things for granted.  Who knows I give out of the goodness of my heart and I don't want to receive anything from anyone other than a cheerful giver.  I most treasure the simple things in life and the simple gestures which pack a whole lot of punch.

Most importantly I want a man who is rich in his faith.  I want a man whose love for God comes first in his life.  I want a man who the only second I play is next to his love for God.

Yes indeed I want a rich man but for the richest reasons.  I feel a man meant for me can provide riches beyond measure.  It may not be today, or even tomorrow that we come together as one.  I'm just hoping it is on God's time.  Until that time I'm enjoying my time and taking things one day at a time.  I'm not rushing into anything.  If it happens great, if it doesn't happen I'll live.

I'm am too thankful, too full of praise, and too blessed to be stressed about not having a man.  I personally feel just finding a man to appease what others say is not for me.  I'm straight.  I love men.  There are deadlines for a lot of things but I don't have a deadline for having a man in my life.  I don't feel any pressure and none is not welcomed from intruders.

Yes I would like to have a man to wine and dine with to travel with and spend time with.  However, until I feel I've found that man I am happy being alone.  I don't have any problems with myself.  I am at the age where I don't want to just settle.  I want a rich, healthy relationship with someone who is rich in so many ways.  No need to worry about me not having companionship.  I have nothing against companionship.  I have everything against jumping into a relationship or putting myself under any kind of pressure to get into one.

Right now, trust and believe I'm loving life just the way it is. I'm not waiting on the perfect man just the man who is perfect for me.  I am a very understanding, patient, and kind person and I want a man who is not too rich to receive it.

Lynne

Is Your Confidant Your Protagonist?

I sent an email today to a very loving kind sweetheart of a person.  Thankfully my email contained a image of "can you keep a secret".  I was sending a subliminal message.  Everything I email this guy he shares it with his friend who shares it with his grapevine.

How do I know this?  One of the grapes on the grapevine can't keep nothing.  Home girl be boasting with enthusiasm to let me know indirectly someone has scooped her.

Now don't go think I have anything hot and juicy going on in my life.  I just feel some things you share with others, especially involving business transactions should be kept secret.  One of my best mentors used to tell me never let your left hand know what your right hand is doing.

It sort of reminds me of when I was married and my ex used to tell everyone everything about us.  The most real estate he got from it was that it made people despise and hate me and see me as the woman who gets what she wants.  He told me on more than one occasion that a wife is a high priced prostitute.  Considering the fact that he wasn't too creative I'm sure one of his friends told him that.  Trust and believe it was not that I got everything that I wanted it was more like I my basic necessities were met.  However, as the old game goes when you tell something to someone and the message is shared with everyone in the game by the time it gets to the last person and they communicate it to the person who started off the message it can and usually is completely distorted from the original context. 

Of course I am not encouraging anyone to live their life in paranoia.  I'm just saying take time to reflect to see how your messages bounce back to you.  Look for feedback and interaction and see if it appears the person has been communicating your messages in the wrong light to others.

Too often I have seen where someone who has a confidant the confidant is actually their protagonist.  Does everyone need to know everything about you?  You may not make your life an open book but is your confidant making your life an open book.

I can honestly say I have one confidant who I know is like a broken down refrigerator.  She doesn't keep nothing and I tell her that all the time.  My good old mom.  She is one of the most attentive listeners I know.  Fortunately most of the time she gets the details right when she relays all your personal goings on.  She normally even has something to add because shes the type of person people flock to and tell stuff.  I'll be the first to tell you she can't wait to get on the phone to update everyone else.  I just listen astonished at times as to how she tells me some stuff just in a matter of fact type way. 

You just gotta know and accept what you have and deal with it accordingly.  Do you have a confidant who you can truly confide in when you want to keep something private or do you have a confidant who is really a protagonist and tells everything you tell them?  Food for thought.

Stay blessed!

Lynne

You'll Always Be Loved Whitney!

What a shock: Whitney Houston has died at 48. Thank goodness for FACEBOOK because I was watching The Voice (no pun intended during such a serious matter) and I didn't even know about Whitney until I saw some posts on FACEBOOK. 

Unfortunately, there are people who are trying to overshadow all the tremendous things she has done with the negative which they feel led to her demise.  This is one of those classic scenarios where you can list all the good things a person has done against all the negative and the positive things will definitely win out. 

All the right she did  impacted a whole lot of lives in a positive way.  I saw her movie "Bodyguard" several times and not once did I go to an empty theater even if I went alone.  My watching the same movie more than once doesn't happen too often.  I don't recall a movie I watched her perform in I missed seeing again to make sure I didn't miss anything because it was so totally awesome.

Whitney to me will always be a legend worth celebrating no matter what the cause or accusations of surrounding her death.  She made major contributions to the world with giving the ultimate sacrifice of her herself to so many for so long that nothing could overshadow that.


One of my favorite movies was "The Bodyguard" which she starred in with Kevin Costner.  The vocals she blew for the song "I Will Always Love You" brought me to uncontrollable tears at the movie theater.  The movie and the vocals were very touching.  Whitney had that kind of voice where you could fall in love with the song based on the vocals before grasping the meaning of the lyrics.

Whitney was an outstanding vocalist.  She even as great as an actress.  Her music and movies were so moving they will always be awe inspiring for me. 

The legacy she leaves to America is her music, her work, and her love which illuminated in everything she did.  I'm sure no one will ever forget the love she showed for her family outside of her artistic endeavors.  When so many stood against her marriage to Bobbie Brown she stood by him.  One day people in America are going to wake up and realize the issues with drugs in America is bigger than Whitney and any vices she suffered through during her lifetime.  She had it right.  When she stood by Bobbie even if he led her further astray she didn't abandon her issues she dealt with them.  America needs to stop abandoning the issue with drugs and deal with them more heavily.  Drug use is a victimless crime until someone dies.  Even more unfortunate when they die way too soon.

My condolences to Whitney Houston's family, loved ones, friends, and fans.  She is a Diva who will truly be missed.  Kudos for a job well done to Whitney! 


Whitney let your voice resound higher than the roaring sea as you enter those pearly gates to eternal rest and peace.

Do You Know the Equation for Love?

Are you fond of math?  Then you may be happy to know there is an equation you can Google and get an image of a heart displayed graphically.  See below:

sqrt(cos(x))*cos(300x)+sqrt(abs(x))-0.7)*(4-x*x)^0.01, sqrt(6-x^2), -sqrt(6-x^2) from -4.5 to 4.5

I saw this post at http://mashable.com/2012/02/09/google-valentine-surprise/.  Check out the link to get all the details.  I tested it out using Google search box and it worked for me!


So on Valentine's Day send your sweetie an email and let your sweetie know you have an equation for love.  

Enjoy your Valentine's Day!