Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Crossroads or the Song?

When "All around the world" by Lisa Stansfield came out I was in a relationship with a man who I truly adored. We went out on a date every Friday night with dinner and dancing always part of the agenda. I realized later after having gone to North Carolina with him to meet his parents it was because he came from a beautiful home, it was the most meticulously clean house I had ever seen or seen since. It was hard to imagine he had as many siblings in a smaller house so incredibly clean. He would visit me and I could leave and go shopping and come back and he would clean my house from top to bottom. I was in a two story townhouse at the time and I would be like "man". He could cook too. Men never did any cooking or cleaning when I was growing up or in my house before.

Lisa Stansfield - All around the world



He asked me to marry him and have a child for him. He would pay for me to have reconstructive surgery since I had a tuba ligation after I had my youngest child. The "child" was the show stopper. Initially I had said yes to marriage but I couldn't say yes to having a child. He wanted to get married anyways he said he would continue to love my children as his own.

The day we were supposed to go get married I went to work and I was supposed to be home all day for when he came over for us to go to the justice of the peace. He asked me did I know how much I gave up by not marrying him I was hurting so deep inside I couldn't muster up a reply. "Yes I do".

Every time I hear this song it reminds me there are some good and wholesome people in the world because I was going through a crossroads in my life. I was ready to get married for the first time ever and I couldn't go through with it because I didn't want to deny him the pleasure of having his own biological children. Yes I knew how much I gave up and it hurt like crazy.

I know what a huge difference having children can have on your life and I knew I was done with having babies. I had always vowed I wanted all my children to have the same father so I didn't want to start a second set.

He made me laugh, me made my children laugh, my family loved him. My grandmother and mother would cook and bake for us (mainly him) every Sunday. He made them smile. He was the only man my grandmother ever liked that I was in a relationship with. She would actually sit, talk, and laugh with him. He had a beautiful smile that would warm any room. Everything about him was on point. He wanted to pay for me to have reconstructive surgery to have another child. In hindsight, the Lord definitely knew best.

I often wonder where he is now and how he's doing. I adored him, my children adored him, and my friends liked him. He was handsome, funny, witty, and smart. I've always looked to see him in print because he told the most creative and best stories ever. I used to always tell him he was going to miss his calling if he didn't become a writer.

I let a good one go.

No comments:

Post a Comment